Zerohedge Confirmed As A Fake News Site

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As with most days, much of my yesterday was invested sifting through articles and posts at a fake news site called “Zerohedge”. I encourage as many as will to join me in auditing that scourge of decency and forward-thinking propriety for unsanctioned ideas. There is no greater threat to the freedom of speech than an exercise of it — those deplorables at Zerohedge everyday and in every way affirm this truism.

We are in a very advanced age, most of the important questions in life are settled; the authorities have presented for us an optimized mode of being and belief, all of it certified by science. Dissent in the modern age is therefore not merely wrong, it is an existential threat to our lives and welfare. This is, perhaps, the most terrifying threat represented in Donald Trump: the fear that he won’t imprison or otherwise punish dissent should be cause of the gravest concern for all progressives who know a thing or two about science.

Being of far greater intellect than those dummies at Zerohedge, it is little wonder that most of academia is stirred to the anti-speech cause. Academia knows better than to question matters settled by science; and one of its finest specimens recently spoke out against this unapproved website. It takes a lot of courage to give voice to a near unanimous opinion, only the bravest of academics will say what the consensus dictates, and so it is that the inquisition against dissent has its heroes…or in this case its heroines.

Meet Melissa “Mish” Zimdars:

http://www.merrimack.edu/live/profiles/586-melissa-mish-zimdars

So elegant a name with a face perfectly mated to it.  In four simple bullet points, the lovely Professor Mish lays out a solid-state and unimpeachable case against those meanies and dummies. Never bothering to explain her accusation much less give any supporting evidence underscores the proof of her position — the truth being so obvious that these sites print nothing but lies, it would be an insult to the principals of academia were she to assemble a defensible position. No, Professor Mish, proudly carrying the banner for a totalitarian and rigidly anti-speech academia, is far too clever to make an argument, knowing those dummies would only rip it apart with unscientific lies…and she’s big-time courageous, too!

Perhaps the reader can discern a certain bias in the author…I know what you’re thinking, and, yeah, it’s true, janus has the hots for Mish. Not only is she super-smart and admirably brave, she embodies the optimized image of sexual attractiveness in the scientifically prescribed modern age. Ours is a wildly overpopulated planet, much of the fault for this can be freighted on the awful curse of ‘beauty’. When we finally start promoting anodyne androgyny, when the sexes are finally fused into a single ideal of meh-ish Mishes and fugly Maddows, when all women aspire to affect the manners and attire of a listless teenage boy, then — and only then — will the people of planet earth at last stop copulating and having so many cursed children.

To me it seems the only thing standing in the way of SJWs triumph over speech and dissent is the want of a mascot. After staring longingly on Mish’s face to proactively subdue any dangerous sexual urges, inspiration for such struck me like a bolt. More than just a powerful contraceptive, this chic’s image could inspire millions of young people to similar acts of courage in the anti-speech crusade. And so, for your consideration, janus submits “Mish The Yapping Bitch” as mascot and heroine to SJWs everywhere. Everybody loves Pomeranians, their incessant yapping will rivet the attention of any within earshot, rapturing all in its harmonies; and none can deny that Mish bears a striking resemblance to these adorable yappers. Also, just in case the meanies and dummies at Zerohedge get any crazy ideas, in this instance ‘bitch’ is NOT at all a pejorative; a female dog is so called, SJWs need a mascot to incite them in their melodious yapping, and Mish The bitch just so happens to look just like a Pomeranian.

Forward,

janus trismegistus

MillionDollarBonus_

Excellent article Janus. I always suspected that Zerohedge was a fake news site. The articles on there are so divergent from accredited news that you have to pinch yourself while reading them to make sure you aren’t hallucinating. Now finally we have an accredited PHD to confirm it! Thank you Mish for confirming what every progressive always suspected!

PlainWhiteToast
PlainWhiteToast

Janus

I have a solution that can “fix” the issue with curse children and your attraction for Mish.

It involves a specialist and about 45 minutes of your time.

I suggest you and all your buddies try it.

NoDebt
NoDebt

Over the past 7 years, I have watched ZeroHedge regress from a site full of Wall St. Insiders, to a bunch of libertarians, then to goldbugs and doomsdayers, to anti-semites, then far-righters, to a haven for alt-right racists. Well, now it is just plain fake AND hateful.

I’ve come full circle through all of that, and I am now on board with the Accredited Times as my daily reading. The progressive movement is far superior than alt-right hatred – a plan where all people can come together and have a fair shot. I’m on board.

trav777

ZH is now even permitting people to criticize jews. Things like that got many a popular commenter banned years ago.

This is Life

I know right? Like the Jews are all of the problems of the world, it is totally ridiculous. I love how they bring out these long lists of all the media, the banking industry, senators and lobbyists, the CFR and Trilateral Commission etc etc and point out that it is all full of Jews but I say “so what”? Look at all the good the do by keeping the world running like a well oiled Swiss watch. I mean seriously, where would we be without them?

richandrenee

What’s Zero Hedge? Never read it – it sounds awful!

Black Lives Matter

They’re a bunch of “gold bugs” who have been predicting the end of the world since 2009. For some reason, they hate Obama, even though he quite clearly saved the world and the economy.

They’re really just a bunch of lunatics. You can’t eat gold.

DON'T BODY SHAME ME!
DON'T BODY SHAME ME!

The biggest fake news is that Hillary Clinton lost the election. Even the mainstream media is reporting these lies. Haven’t they seen the popular vote?

Black Lives Matter

The fascist oligarchs are pretending that Trump won. It’s like living in the Third Reich.

MillionDollarBonus_

I think much of the media is bought and paid for by Russia, just like Trump. Russia hacked our election, and now Trump is using the Electoral College to bypass the will of the people and steal the Presidency, and it looks like nobody has the will to stand up to him!

Bill Hill
Bill Hill

Zero Hedge? What kind of name is that? Zero Truth is more accurate! Never visited the site but it sounds like just another racist, xenophobic, Islam-hating, homophobic, lying right wing rag to me. Once Hillary is properly installed onto her well-desrved throne, hopefully she can outlaw outrageous “news” sites like that. What have we become? I weep for our future if she is not in charge in January. In preparation for her ascendency I’m trying to come up with some combination of Obama and her logos combined. What a glorious icon that would be when seen every 10 feet as we drive down the street in our electric/solar power vehicles eating wholesome granola grown in hydroponic non-carbon polluting state-approved gardens.

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