Reparations Time

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If words are powerful, sometimes numbers are even more so. In my case, the number -1,450 literally cut me to the heart. Anyone who read MDB’s timely and enlightening article today on Critical Race Theory will immediately recognise that I am referring to Oppression Points and the Victim Pyramid. Having a negative tally of 1,450  points makes me Highly Privileged, the Scum of all Scum, and part of the problem that must be eradicated.  There are no actual burning crosses in my garden, and I’ve ignored all of Trump’s invitations to his Klan’s gatherings, but it seems I am no better that the Orange One.

To make matters worse, I suggested to MDB that I could rename myself in a way that suggested I had mixed Black/Muslim/Jewish/Native American roots because “I self-identify as TransCultural”. He rightly called me on this shameful ruse and demanded I immediately make reparations for all the evil that the White Man has caused to the Black race and other oppressed minorities. And, you know what? He’s right, as always.

But, precisely how do we make reparations? It’s not easy to just go look for the nearest POC rapping/twerking etc. in the street and hand over my cash with a quick ‘sorry, man’ as I shuffle away crestfallen. Sometimes, I find it impossible to look a POC in the eyes such is my guilt. Like many white people today, we shamefully look for a solution that involves doing it from the comfort of our homes, using the anonymity of the internet.

Imagine my thrill then when I came across an entrepreneurial Woman of Color called Natasha Marin. Natasha has selflessly given up her time and money to set up a site called Reparations that will allow the Highly Privileged/Privileged among us to finally begin to make amends. The site not only allows whites to make donations but invites POC and other oppressed minorities to make requests. The great thing is that not all requests involve the payment of cash.  A quick browse on Reparations shows that the types of requests range enormously from “cat sitting” to “chakra cleansing”, and even “safe space”!

Please join me in making a donation today and/or responding to a request.

What request would you most like to respond to?

Black Lives Matter

This is a good start, but it’s really not enough. Obama needs to issue an executive order settling all reparations claims. We are owed our 40 acres and a mule — plus interest and late-fee penalties.

MillionDollarBonus_

The UN also found America guilty of racial terrorism, but so far I haven’t heard of any settlement in the international courts. If white America refuses to pay up, the UN may just have to send in troops to enforce this payment. It’s sad that it may have come to that, but what are people of color supposed to do? They are suffering, and white people refuse to compensate them!

This is Life
This is Life

That poor poor women. My boyfriend and I have decided to sell our yurt and donate all the proceeds to show our support. We will have to wait until I heal from the operation on my foreskin to make sure to stave off infection first.
We have found that the roof over our heads have made us feel privileged and the food also has to be donated so that we can acknowledge we have done everything we can. If all of the people of privilege would follow our example, what a wonderful world this would be.

MillionDollarBonus_

You’re doing the right thing. White people need to learn to make big sacrifices, just like people of color have been doing for centuries. This will also help raise the birth rate of non-whites further, while further lowering the white birth rate, helping us to make the world a more diverse and equal place.

Brewing
Brewing

Pbier, you are one sick mo fo coming in with a score of -1,450 and I demand that you begin making reparations to this site immediately! You could start by giving a smiling wave to a car that is blasting rap music so loud it is shaking your car. Or, join a BLM march to show your support of the oppressed and accredited black people getting shot by the pig police! How about taking a jaunt up to North Dakota to support our American Indian Friends’ protest of the oil pipeline. Repent!

MillionDollarBonus_

White people need to get more involved in these protests for people of color! I see some white people at BLM protests, but it’s not enough. They are also rightfully pushed to the back of the protest, as it should be. The fact that more white people are not showing up to these protests proves that white privilege and racism is alive and well.

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

Believe me, any of those things would be a jwalk in the park compared to what I just went through with ‘Big Leroy’ from Natasha’s site. Ouch, I think I’m still bleeding.

MillionDollarBonus_

Thanks for bringing this to our attention Pbier! I’ve already donated, and I’m thinking of offering my support as a punching bag to allow people of color to take out their anger on me and alleviate their post traumatic slave disorder.

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

That’s great. Let me know if you want to swap with me for tomorrow’s shift. ‘Big’ Leroy is actually quite gentle when you get him to turn down the rap a little on the speakers.

Arch Stanton
Arch Stanton

-1300 checking in. I am so ashamed..I am literally shaking right now in recognition of my privilege. Reparations incoming Natasha!!

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

I am also shaking Arch, probably not for the exact same reason.

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

Thanks for the support all and…sorry for the slowness in replying. I just got back from fulfilling the very personal and demeaning ‘request’ of some guy on Natasha’s site. It’s going to hurt to walk for sometime and I’m going to have to find a quiet spot to go and cry in. But I don’t regret it for a moment as this is pay back for what we’ve been doing to black people for centuries,

CrazyCracker
CrazyCracker

cool! I now self identify as black and I want mine! Just ignore my light skin.

Cool
Cool

How about 40 acres and a mule back in Africa with a big SORRY?

Black Lives Matter

Interest and penalties are due as well. Going back to 1865, calculating a typical statutory interest rate of 9% per annum (see, for example, N.Y. CPLR § 5004), each African-American would be owed approximately 17,925,083 acres and 448,127 mules. And that’s just interest.

Black Lives Matter

For penalties, I think trebling the damages/interest would be fair. That means each African-American would be owed approximately 53,775,249 acres and 1,344,381 mules.

Black Lives Matter

That means each African-American should be awarded a state roughly the size of Minnesota or Utah. Plus, 1.344 million mules. It’s time to pay up.

We take land and mules, or the equivalent amount in cash. Mastercard and Visa are also acceptable, provided that your credit limit is high enough.

Puyloubier (@Puyloubier1)

It’s ok, BLM, Jamie Dimon is joining as Treasury Secretary and advised that he will be working closely with JPM in his new role. JPM own long derivative positions on trillions of mules and he just needs to take delivery of said mules and all will be fine.

richandrenee

Thanks for the great article Puyloubier – it’s time that white people address the injustice they’ve caused and start to pay.

Bill Hill
Bill Hill

Sorry it took so long for me to reply here – I’ve been curled up in a ball crying about my white privilege for the last few hours.

Oh how to repent for my despicable existence? I thought about simply posting something on Craigslist in Detroit or Atlanta to spread the word that for 5 days my doors will be open and anyone of color (or of an alphabet-related self-identity) can come over and take what they want. But alas, I found that my humble belongings may not be sufficient to counter the damage I may have done by my existence. So I will take orders for things that I can buy and have sitting here ready to be considered by those that answer the call.

I’ve also considered making a fleet of U-Hauls available so that anyone desiring any of my belongings won’t have to bother with how to get my “things” to their homes. But again, who will drive and buy the gas? So I thought about hiring an equal number of drivers for them, but then how would the new owners of my stuff get back to their homes? So I decided to take care of airfare (business class) so that they can all fly home quickly and be there when the U-Hauls arrive.

It’s a small gesture but it’s a start!

Bill Hill
Bill Hill

Excellent point Pbier – maybe if I offer both kidneys and half my liver i’ll feel better. If someone really needs a lung I will certainly consider that as well. Every bit helps!

AccreditedAggie
AccreditedAggie

I can’t believe how selfish you are! You must KNOW that a person only has two Kidneys and if you give both away, you will either die – thus cutting off your ability to work and give more to POC over the rest of your natural life – or be obliged to be on permanent dialysis. Do you think there are unlimited dialysis machines? No! Think about how many White people there are vs POC, and you’ll realise that, chances are, that you’d be depriving dialysis from a POC!

Have you no thought for people other than yourself???? If you really cared about the harm your ancestors did to POC you’d keep one kidney but work much longer hours so you can pay more reparations!

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