Christmas Alternatives For Progressives

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As the festive season arrives, many progressives feel guilty about celebrating a holiday that is openly offensive to Muslims, homosexuals and trans people. To many, Christmas represents centuries of European colonialism and the brutality of the crusades, in addition to patriarchal ‘family values’, which are an abomination to feminism. The vulgar consumerism also reeks of capitalist exploitation and white privilege, as rich white children gleefully tear open expensive presents while millions of people of color can barely afford to eat. Luckily, there are a number of Christmas alternatives available to progressives, which offer them an escape from this increasingly unpopular holiday.

Christmas Alternatives

Kwanzaa 

Millions of African Americans celebrate Kwanzaa every year in honor of their African heritage. The celebrations include readings from Afrocentric history books, which detail how Africans were once kings before white people invented slavery and stole their riches, leaving their people destitute and lacking economic access and opportunity. The readings also focus on current affairs affecting the African community, such as police brutality and institutional racism, the root cause of all of which is white racism and white privilege.

Human Light

Human Light is a new humanist holiday which celebrates the earth and humanity. The holiday is used as an opportunity to bring attention to various social justice issues facing the world such as climate change, wealth inequality and human rights. In pursuit of a happy and free world, humanists gather during this festive holiday to discuss how to build a better world and create some kind of new world order that better serves mankind and the environment.

Hanukkah

Hanukkah is the well-known Jewish holiday practiced by America’s most beloved minority group and our greatest ally in the war on terror. Hollywood movies and TV series make frequent references to this holiday, making it one of the most well-known celebrations in the Western world, despite being practiced by a tiny minority of people. Many progressives are now performing mock Hanukkah celebrations in order to protest antisemitism and remember the atrocities of the Nazis.

Hopefully these Christmas alternatives give progressives some comfort, and allow them to tackle the white patriarchy during these often overwhelming celebrations. The “don’t trigger me” movement is at least giving many the tools to deal with people who openly celebrate this offensive holiday, but many are still severely triggered by hoards of insensitive white people blurting our “Merry Christmas” in public places. Now that Trump has openly endorsed Christmas, progressives are even more uneasy about this celebration, and many have given it up altogether, choosing to convert to Islam and work over the holidays in protest. Season’s greetings, everybody, and remember to check your christian privilege and be sensitive to the feelings of others should you choose to celebrate Christmas this year.

Black Lives Matter

Saying “Merry Christmas” is akin to calling a Muslim a “terrorist” or an African-American the “n word.” It is hate speech.

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

The disgusting thing is, white people don’t even know this. They just go around blurting out “Merry Christmas” in public places without even thinking for a moment that there might be Muslim Americans or African Israelites nearby who take deep offense to this. Muslims still suffer from multi-generational post-traumatic stress disorder from the Crusades, and Christians don’t even care!

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Yes, Satanism is an accredited religion that deserves to be protected from Christian bigots!

richandrenee

#AntiChristmas

Black Lives Matter

So true. It’s deeply offensive to many diverse people.

True American
True American

Merry CHRISTMAS!!!

#racist

richandrenee

Take that back right now you evil bigot!!!

The true America is diverse and multi-cultural – if you can’t accept it, move to Moscow.

True American
True American

Maybe we should reserve your spot in mambee pambee land, and put an adult diaper on you. Grow up! We live in a Christian nation, not a towel head nation.

#fake-news

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Islam is the fastest growing religion, and soon Islamaphobes like you will have to learn to show respect or face serious consequences.

richandrenee

What a load of rubbish unTrue American – this is the POST Christian era.

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

So true. The fact that they haven’t waged war on white Christians goes to show how forgiving and peaceful they are. They would be completely justified in using violence against the descendants of the crusaders who killed so many of their people.

drb6
drb6

Something wrong with flagging – how can the above post be sexist? Have Russians hacked Accredited Times again?!

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Unfortunately yes. They’ve exploited a temporary weakness in the site while I add new flags for marking racism, sexism, antisemitism, Islamaphobia and transphobia. I’ve managed to secure the site. Let me know if you’re able to use the new flagging button.

drb6
drb6

Works now. Flagging against speciesism and ableism might be needed eventually.
I think islamophobia is spelled with an “o”, might be Russian hackers again.

expatlogger
expatlogger

Right on Pbier! Satanists are so triggered in my neck of the woods, they commandeered my supply of candles, and I won’t be able to celebrate Orthodox Christmas in the manner to which I’m accustomed.

#hate-speech

#russian-propaganda

Black Flies Matter
Black Flies Matter

I’m going to Cuba for “Xmas”. Thanks to the progressive and accredited government they have there I won’t have to be bothered by these foaming at the mouth religious extremist here in the states, with their “Manger Scenes” and “Flying Reindeer” and whatnot. I’m almost triggered by just typing about it.

“I think that a man should not live beyond the age when he begins to deteriorate, when the flame that lighted the brightest moment of his life has weakened.” – Fidel Castro

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Nice. Are you going for medical treatment? I’ve heard that many Americans travel to Cuba every year to take advantage of their state of the art healthcare system

Black Flies Matter
Black Flies Matter

No but you are correct, many Americans do travel to Cuba for medical treatment, they have some of the best doctors on the planet.

TrueDat
TrueDat

Here we go!

Merry Christmas!

#hate-speech

TrueDat
TrueDat

Oh sorry, forgot to include Muslims…

Happy Terroristing!

#hate-speech

#islamaphobic

Sugarlock
Sugarlock

This reminds me of the article THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT WHITE PRIVILEGE, which recommended “blacking up.” But isn’t it wrongful cultural appropriation for a white man to celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa? When the white man realizes he has an inferior holiday, he shouldn’t simply steal a superior holiday from a Highly Oppressed group.

drb6
drb6

Perhaps the holiday for white people should be something like “Oppressor Day” or “I am guilty for EVERYTHING day” or “Please forgive-me-day”. During these holidays, white males would work and all the money earned would be transferred to EBT cards of oppressed minorities, for iphone 7 and other absolutely necessary purchases.

drb6
drb6

May be the “holiday” can be named “Guiltmas”?

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Nice suggestion. We already have “whiteness awareness week” at many accredited colleges. Maybe their should be a whiteness awareness day, which encourages white people to check their privilege and pay reparations, and allows people of color to vent their many grievances about white people.

Alexander
Alexander

It is so wrong that white children get expensive presents while brown children barely get enough food. This inequality need to be corrected now!. We need to immediately increase the amount of white children without food and without presents until equality is reached. Same goes for shelter, education, and wealth. As progressives, we need to stop our narrow-minded focus on elevating minorities, which honestly has a century-long record of failing to achieve equality. Instead, we need a more balanced approach of both elevating minorities while also harshly repressing non-minorities. Affirmative action for minorities is good, but we also need anti-affirmative action for non-minorities.

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Totally agree. This is a two-sided problem. Part of the solution is continuing to get rid of fascist border controls which prevent undocumented Americans from coming here and voting. Studies indicate that 25% of Mexico has now emigrated to the United States, and these voters have helped introduce far more affirmative action and welfare for minorities, while taxing whites and maintaining a business environment that destroys white working class manufacturing jobs. This all helps to reduce white privilege and put America on the path to being majority minority in a couple of decades.

Regressive Party ChairMAN
Regressive Party ChairMAN

Merry Xmas!

CanT we just drop “Christ” out of it and keep Santa, Reindeer and Xmas Trees?

Let’s sing Jingle Bells and drop Silent Night.

Molly Louis Kramer (MLK)
Molly Louis Kramer (MLK)

Hello Progressive GLTWBA’s!

I have been thinking about this very thoughtfully.

I was considering celebrating Festivus,

but was reminded of of this by our inclusive no fake news committee…

Anti-Dentites!

We finally decided to celebrate the visionary future we all share.

Tiny houses, while remembering the last snowfalls before we are burned to a cinder, by climate change, thanks to Trump deplorables…

Happy Snowflake Memories to all!

richandrenee

A very untroubled Festivus to you MLK.

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