Declaring War On Happiness

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A true progressive is never happy, harbouring a deep distrust of ‘pleasant’ emotions such as joy and contentment. It/she/he will wake up each day gravely concerned about all manner of injustices; when the day is done, they will retire for bed angry that the same injustices remain firmly in place. The closest a progressive will come to merriment is the quiet satisfaction of having destroyed a mental-midget Trump fan in a combox debate.

Happiness solves precisely nothing and gets us nowhere. It is the reason injustice prevails and therefore is the root of all evil. If we are feeling good about the world, what use are we to the impoverished refugee, the innocent unarmed black Americans who face brutal execution by the police on a daily basis, the transgendered child who is laughed at and bullied? The list of victims has no end.

Peace, joy and happiness are reserved for cocker spaniels and the evil Trump-voting middle classes who care not a jot for the left-behind in society. For their sake, we must not give into revelry; we must instead harbour a controlled fury and bitterness that drives us forward with purpose. Let our faces betray our determination to root out and destroy Islamophobia, racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, speciesism, anti-semetism. May we never cease to be triggered and call out micro-aggressions when we see them, however tenuous they might seem to the less-enlightened. Yes, love trumps hate but it must be forcefully applied.

There’s another reason why we must declare war on happiness. Happiness is why we lost the election as we explain below.

With all hope of reversing the election outcome now gone, experts are now considering what went wrong, beyond Russian hacking of course. What can we do to ensure the right result next time? According to one accredited theory, Hillary may have appeared too joyful and self-satisfied. Seeing her exuberant waves and excited gestures at rallies, the oppressed wrongly believed Hillary was not on their side. Instead, they bought the lies that Trump told them.

Who exactly was the mystery person at each of the rallies?

For this reason, we must choose the next candidate with great care. We believe we have identified someone whose temperament is above happiness and will lead this great nation to the promised land. A clue is given below.

Once full reparations have been made to people of colour, and once all the other many injustices have been addressed…then and only then can we be happy. In fact, being happy at all times will become compulsory.

Statistics show undecided voters are persuaded by candidates’ passion for social justice issues
brewing
brewing

I was so inspired by Michelle Obama’s interview with accredited O Winfrey! She reminded us all that there is no hope now that Drumpf is in office. I’ll continue my Obama diet guidelines and working hard for BLM, women and animal rights!!

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

She has every attribute necessary for the presidency – class, glamour, charisma, and whats more she is adored by the American people. She is so competent that the Russians wouldn’t stand a chance against America with xer leadership – which is why they will most likely use the fake news media to attack her.

Ragnar Lothbrok
Ragnar Lothbrok

Yes I have a b o n e r just thinking about fapping to Michelle for 8 yrs.

#body-shaming

#transphobic

Black Lives Matter

Happiness is bourgeois. Proletarian anger is righteousness.

Black Lives Matter

I vote Trump. Trump is the Enemy of the People.

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

We don’t need to unite the nation – we need to unite progressives against the alt right. We need to censor fake news and make it impossible for them to spread their malicious and hateful message. This is the progressive revolution, and every activist and community organizer needs to do their part to make us victorious.

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Yup I agree. Eventually the alt right will have to change their views or face dire consequences.

richandrenee

Michelle Obama would easily win in an election against the racist misogynist Donald Trump.

As there is no longer any doubt that the dictator Putin personally hacked and rigged the election in favor of his bigoted lackey – the UN needs to declare the whole thing null and void and arrest the orange maniac.

Once Trump is in prison for espionage and treason we can have a real election between Mitt Romney and Michelle Obama – and this time no fake news, no Russian propaganda, just accredited mainstream real news.

richandrenee

She is so articulate, intelligent, witty, charismatic, but most of all, she is so modest!

Black Lives Matter

Live out loud!

trav777

how inspirational! What’s in womyn’s brains is VERY useful.

Womyn are known for being totally logical and decisive, completely indispensable for any collective process. I’m stunned that all-female groups don’t dominate life…probably because of constant sabotage by men.

Listening to womyn, I am constantly reminded of two things- the first is how totally powerful they are, and good at everything. Not just merely good but superlatively good. At. Everything. Powerful, independent, self-actualized.

The second is how they are under need of 24×7 protection from everything. Or else they are going to be destroyed.

Live out loud girls, don’t keep that shit in your heads, let it out!!!!

expatlogger
expatlogger

Pbier, I can understand why womyn might not like being compared to elephants, but the other things you said about them are so true, I must give you a double thumbs up, and prey I don’t get flagged for womyn hate speech.

expatlogger
expatlogger

Wow, the system only allows me to do one thumbs up, so yall just have to take the 2nd one on trust.

drb6
drb6

I was going to flag you for speciesism (why this dislike for elephants!), but MDB has not yet introduced the appropriate button!

drb6
drb6

Pbier, womyn memories are so good that often they remember even things that were never said!

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Xe might also be trans, but afraid to come out due to the rampant transphobia in America’s flyover states. This would make xe even more qualified in my opinion.

Connerhead
Connerhead

LOL Xe, I get what you are saying. I would still vote for D. Trump vs xe.

#transphobic

Arch Stanton
Arch Stanton

LOL, REALLY!?? You would vote for The Toupe ‘ed Tangerine Terror over one of the most respected, talented, and experienced career politicians in the world? Are your legs tired from goosestepping around the Kremlin?

MillionDollarBonus
MillionDollarBonus

Totally agree. This wasn’t a real election. A real election should involve accredited candidates who support progressive values, and all major coverage should be by the accredited media. Fake news needs to be BANNED, NOW!

Sugarlock
Sugarlock

I wish I could buy a coffee mug and a T-shirt with the slogan: “HAPPINESS SOLVES PRECISELY NOTHING AND GETS US NOWHERE.” I hope Accredited Times will start an online store offering products like this. It’s easy to find products with fascist slogans like “Home Sweet Home” and “All You Need is Love,” but really hard to find good progressive slogans.

Alexander
Alexander

Thanks! This is very calming slogan for me. I currently have four kids that I am trying really hard to support, and I currently identify as a male, but it is nice to feel that I have options in case I can’t handle my current role.

Wants to be Brown
Wants to be Brown

I agree with the article, especially while we all celebrate the inclusive end of the year festivities. I need to remind myself to be unhappy on an almost daily basis. Just yesterday I was feeling happy, but then I saw a person of Indian descent pass a Salvation Army Santa Claus ringing a bell for donations. I immediately descended into an appropriate level of shame. When will we learn?!?!

Black Lives Matter

Try doing a “Two Minutes of Hate” session directed towards Trump every day. It will make you an angry progressive in no time.

TrueDat
TrueDat

Some great Muslim material:

Q: What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
A: Bisexual.

Q: How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A: They mark the camels that kick.

Q: What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Q: What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
A: A pimp.

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q: What’s the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter?
A: Suppressing the erection.

TrueDat
TrueDat

I cant help it, everytime I see Hillary or Michelle I get totally aroused. Im really thinking of lane looking into getting some medication cause its really getting embarasing.

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