A true progressive is never happy, harbouring a deep distrust of ‘pleasant’ emotions such as joy and contentment. It/she/he will wake up each day gravely concerned about all manner of injustices; when the day is done, they will retire for bed angry that the same injustices remain firmly in place. The closest a progressive will come to merriment is the quiet satisfaction of having destroyed a mental-midget Trump fan in a combox debate.
Happiness solves precisely nothing and gets us nowhere. It is the reason injustice prevails and therefore is the root of all evil. If we are feeling good about the world, what use are we to the impoverished refugee, the innocent unarmed black Americans who face brutal execution by the police on a daily basis, the transgendered child who is laughed at and bullied? The list of victims has no end.
Peace, joy and happiness are reserved for cocker spaniels and the evil Trump-voting middle classes who care not a jot for the left-behind in society. For their sake, we must not give into revelry; we must instead harbour a controlled fury and bitterness that drives us forward with purpose. Let our faces betray our determination to root out and destroy Islamophobia, racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, speciesism, anti-semetism. May we never cease to be triggered and call out micro-aggressions when we see them, however tenuous they might seem to the less-enlightened. Yes, love trumps hate but it must be forcefully applied.
There’s another reason why we must declare war on happiness. Happiness is why we lost the election as we explain below.
With all hope of reversing the election outcome now gone, experts are now considering what went wrong, beyond Russian hacking of course. What can we do to ensure the right result next time? According to one accredited theory, Hillary may have appeared too joyful and self-satisfied. Seeing her exuberant waves and excited gestures at rallies, the oppressed wrongly believed Hillary was not on their side. Instead, they bought the lies that Trump told them.
For this reason, we must choose the next candidate with great care. We believe we have identified someone whose temperament is above happiness and will lead this great nation to the promised land. A clue is given below.
Once full reparations have been made to people of colour, and once all the other many injustices have been addressed…then and only then can we be happy. In fact, being happy at all times will become compulsory.