Protesters across America are mourning Trump’s victory, and expressing their outrage at Trump’s numerous character flaws and misdeeds, which continue to amass by the day. Never before has a president been involved in so many scandals and received so much righteous criticism from the accredited media. But no matter how heinous Trump’s crimes, millions of bigoted white Americans from flyover country continue to laud him as a hero.
Now, contrast Trump’s long history of corruption and immorality to Hillary’s stellar record as a public servant. Despite many attempts to smear her campaign by the Russians and the alt right, she has come out unscathed, with a near immaculate legacy. Had it not been for our electoral college system, which is basically legalized election rigging, Hillary would now be president.
For many progressives, Trump’s victory seems like an alternate universe, and many still struggle to comprehend that he is actually president. For those who long anticipated the inauguration of our first female president, and feel that this magical moment was ripped away from them by a deplorable bigot, I have provided a transcript of what could have and should have been our presidential inauguration day.
Hillary walks out onto the stage, wearing her special all-white pant suit, looking stunning as usual, as the crowd of mostly womyn in pussy hats roars and weeps with joy. Hillary’s eyes light up with glee and she laughs uncontrollably as she greets the crowd and relishes the congratulations and compliments from the surrounding dignitaries.
After being sworn in, Hillary shrieks with laughter and excitedly walks towards the microphone, waving to the crowd. She then opens with a croaking “Thank you … thank you so much!”, continuing to laugh as the deafening crowd dies down. She then proceeds with her inspiring and historical speech as the first womyn president of the United States.
“Firstly, I’d just like to thank my many supporters who stuck with me throughout this historic election. I couldn’t have done it without you!”
“But this victory wasn’t just for you. This was a victory for struggling mothers, grandmothers, daughters and womyn all over the world, with hopes and dreams just like yours. Today we have shown those womyn that with enough determination, grit and perseverance you can succeed, and your dreams can become reality!”
“Unfortunately however, not everyone in America feels this way. Many African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Muslim Americans and undocumented immigrants feel disillusioned in America today, and that their needs and dreams don’t matter. Let me assure those people that from this day forward, America works for you!”
“For too long, womyn and minorities have felt excluded and downtrodden in America, and that America has done too little to alleviate the long and terrible legacy of slavery and oppression of people of color. You deserve better!”
“And that’s why I have promised to make the biggest investment in the economy since World War II, creating thousands of good-paying jobs for womyn and minorities. I also pledge to make America the green energy capital of the world by investing in green technologies that fight climate change and reduce our carbon footprint. From this day forward, America will finally take climate change seriously!”
“I also promise to tackle the spread of fake news and disinformation on the internet which made this election one of the craziest and most confusing elections we’ve ever had. America will no longer tolerate deceptive lies and disinformation!”
“I also promise to tackle Russian aggression and the humanitarian crisis in Syria. The victims of Russia’s unacceptable actions will no longer suffer under my administration. I promise to help the thousands of refugees fleeing Syria, and put a stop to Russia’s aggressive expansionism once and for all.”
“The American people spoke loud and clear during this election, and rejected the lies and hatred of the alt right. Thank you America, for putting your trust in me! I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to make this country a place that welcomes everyone and where peace, tolerance, respect and diversity are valued above all else. Thanks you, and God bless America!”