A Progressive’s Guide To St. Valentine’s Day

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If you are here reading this, the chances are that you are alone on Saint Valentine’s Day. Again. Just like me. Again.

Despite what the Un-Accredited media and fascist business advertising would suggest, there is no shame in spending this day without a transexual, minor, lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, non-human species romantic companion. It is indeed quite acceptable to feel melancholic. After all, Everybody Hurts…sometimes, as the Progressive lead singer of R.E.M., Michale Stipe used to sing. Over and over again.

We need to reclaim 14 February for our own and dispatch this blatantly heterosexual celebration to eternity. Let us not forget that Saint Valentine was a white male whose Christian privilege historians need to check on his behalf. ‘Val’ would have thoroughly disapproved of the great social advances (think same-sex marriage, gender re-assignment) we have made in the west in the 21st century, and would probably have to be martyred again. Since this is Current Year, it is quite absurd that we even think about this Christian Saint at all.

Am I alone in thinking there are far better ‘loving role-models’ who should adorn February 14th in Val’s place? The Prophet Mohammed, for example.

A’isha was never abandoned when Auntie Flo came to visit

When he was not liberating large chunks of the desert, Mo busied himself with making women (and 9-year old girls) happy. Women (and 9-year old girls) threw themselves at him, recognising a good time when they saw it in the flesh. Unlike Val, Mo did not need martyring to prove his love for others; he was quite prepared to make martyrs of others and let them take the glory.

If not Prophet Mohammed Day, 14th February might instead be known as Uncle Joe Stalin Day. Although the Alt-Right media delights in exaggerating Stalin’s alleged excesses in creating a modern state out of Russia, the truth is that he had a soft side and was greatly loved. Few know it, but Stalin was a great romantic poet. The following lines of one of his works never cease to bring tears to my eyes:

The pinkish bud has opened,
Rushing to the pale-blue violet
And, stirred by a light breeze,
The lily of the valley has bent over the grass.

Uncle Joe, the original ladies’ man. As successful under the sheets as he was in boosting the Soviet Union’s production of potassium

Above all, remember on February 14th that Love Trumps Hate.

From Russia with Love
From Russia with Love

MillionDollarBonus

I’m glad to see Stalin finally recognized for the good work he did. If Russia once again embraces communism, I’ll officially remove the Russian Propaganda AT flag. Putin is a racist and homophobe, and needs to be impeached.

drb6
drb6

PBier – an excellent choice for a picture! I am sure this is a gay-positive amorous cis-gender black male Muslim. Nothing could be more appropriate for this accredited resource.

richandrenee

What a great article. We really need to make all holidays more inclusive – a new government department will have to be set up to manage holiday inclusiveness.

MillionDollarBonus

I think we need new public holidays too, like “gender day” and “whiteness awareness day”. Public holidays allow people with permanent jobs to get paid while enjoying valuable leisure time, improving morale and boosting the economy.

trav777

King David did the same- a desert tradition. Surely the addition of more people to our country with these traditions will enrich us all.

Remember, the Torah says not to help you if you’re thrown in a pit and non-Jewish; just don’t throw you in a pit. This is tolerance and peace at its finest.

caw
caw

Don’t know who wrote all that, and whether it is true or not. But there are stories written by westerners, about Arabia, of 15 year olds, playing in the water, near the oasis, naked and innocent.

Ancient corruption was perhaps limited, not as pervasive and bad as today.

caw
caw

What do you say of American girls that come of age, by 9? Most of them. When middle eastern girls are innocent even at age 15, and mature late? Was Mohammed responsible for that too?
Things are lot more messed up in modern technopia, where Bill Gates forces everyone to adopt only the bestest solutions.

caw
caw

What soul-stirring sensitivity by Stalin in his beautiful poem – “The lily of the valley has bent over the grass”, stomped by the boots of the Bolshevik Communist Jew.

drb6
drb6

Actually, perhaps in his only serious mistake, Stalin shot nearly all of Communist Old Guard in 1937-1938. Jews were heavily over-represented in Communist nomenclature before the shootings. After 1938 only one or two survived in higher Communist nomenclature.

But, as a Progressive, please never let the facts interfere with your ideology!

drb6
drb6

Beria was a Georgian from what is now Abkhazia, e.i. he was Mingrelian. His mother was from a princely Georgian family.

The only high-ranking Jew in Stalins’ inner circle after purges of late 30’s was Lazar Kaganovich.

But again, facts do not matter for lobotomized Anons.

drb6
drb6

Stalin was not a Jew and was conducting a major Jewish purge in early 50’s which I am sure you are unaware of. Read up on “Jewish doctors’ trials”. Supposedly they tried to poison Stalin and his inner circle members. Furthermore, you do not know Georgian language, history, customs, and surname origins, and consequently you can provide no qualified judgement with respect to Stalins’ ethnic origins.

However, I understand that this information can not enter your minuscule brain which is filled to brim with nonsense from jewworld.com website.

I am thinking more and more that Anon might be the only casualty of otherwise excellent Obamacare. Perhaps he is an example of drug failure, or lobotomy gone bad.

trav777

does it really matter? So this is what we have to look forward to…the commie cryptos give us a totalitarian system that some thug then purges all of them from and oppresses people brutally (real oppression) for 70 years?

drb6
drb6

Agreed, it does not matter really, the result is what it is. Anon however perplexes me with his stupidity. He does not know Georgian and Russian yet he believes he can determine ethnicity of Stalin and Beria by looking at their names. Everyone whom Anon dislikes is Jewish apparently. What I think is that Anon himself might be Jewish though, sounds very similar to Aaron. Transliteration of r to n is very common in many languages.

MillionDollarBonus

Excellent article Pbier. Apologies for my absence – I was celebrating val day with my xefriend. Now that I’m reading this, maybe we shouldn’t have celebrated it, as it’s yet another form of Christian privilege. We should have boycotted this day. Also, I agree that shaming single people is NOT OK. Many feminists choose to have cats to keep them company rather than an oppressive wife-beating husband. Many beta-males also choose to have relationships with virtual partners rather than real ones, and this is also nothing to be ashamed of. Families and monogamy are constructs of the oppressive patriarchy, and we need to shame people in healthy strong relationships for the sick people that they are!

trav777

i cannot believe that you oppressed – probably a cis-womyn – by celebrating such an oppressive patriarchal day with her!

WOMYN DO NOT LIKE having gifts bought for them! they DO NOT LIKE IT when a man pays for a meal! They DO NOT LIKE FLOWERS! They don’t ALL like Tiffany jewelry! Pretending that they do is BIGOTRY of the worst form.

I bet you also forced her to copulate with you after this patriarchal oppression-fest. She was very likely beaten down by your denial of “access,” “opportunity,” and “equal pay.” She felt threatened and was afraid to voice her dislike for your insistence on picking up the check. And you probably did not ask for her permission and consent at every single step of the way before you forced yourself on her, did you?!?!?!?

You fucking white male!

drb6
drb6

According to celebrated accredited feminist Andrea Dworkin, on whose writings and philosophy government now bases its treatment of males, all heterosexual sex is rape. This might be worthy of another Accredited Times article.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

Have you ever taken too much Viagra and ran past that 4 hour window. The way they make it go down is they show you a picture of Andrea Dworkin.

caw
caw

You mean that Viagra isn’t a feminist invention to deal with their sterile sexuality?

snowflakekilla
snowflakekilla

ROFLMMFAO

snowflakekilla
snowflakekilla

Yea either you’ve never had poosie in your mouth or your poosie’s never been kissed with that view. I never know because you all sound like sexually frustrated feminists

#fake-news

snowflakekilla
snowflakekilla

Lmao the golden years of unpunished pedophilia. Sick ass bastards

snowflakekilla
snowflakekilla

Racist hat makers forced him

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