Trump’s Clothing Used for Suicide Vests

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Fresh from our anonymous tip line comes a shocking anecdotal account that needs no verification: ISIS is using Trump’s Spring Formal Collection to make suicide vests.

It all started two years ago, before a Trump presidency was even a glimmer in Abu Jandal al-Kuaiti’s eye. ISIS operatives scoured Nordstrom and Tiffany stores searching for durable suit vests that could withstand the pressure of holding hundreds of pounds of explosives. With it’s strong double stitching and ample seam allowance, Trump’s suit vests were deemed an excellent platform for delivering death to innocent people. Multiple terrorists praised the cuffs as being comfortable and non-restrictive.

In order confirm these sickening claims I headed over to Barneys on Madison Avenue. A pretentious employee sneered at my “I’m with HER” t-shirt as he offered me a hand tailored wool Trump suit. The material was strong, yet breathable. The jacket was completely unlined, indicating the work of a master seamstress. The lapel was perfectly rolled, and the fit – well I felt like I was wearing a second skin. There was no doubt in my mind: this is the perfect suit for a terrorist.

“The fact that terrorists want to look their best on their last day is no surprise to anyone”, explained my unidentified source, “the real story is in how Trump Inc. responded”. Indeed, even as soldiers in Iraq reported finding racks of Trump suits in bomb factories, Trump Inc. refused to stop production of the high quality clothing. Late last year, the already generous seam allowance was increased, which allows the suit to internally hold and hide even more explosives. This year, in order to reduce their availability to ISIS, Nordstrom completely cut out Trump’s clothing line, along with Ivanka’s.

Trump has repeatedly said on TV that he wants to destroy ISIS, but actions speak louder than words. I propose that we all boycott any clothing that can be used for carrying bombs.

richandrenee

Wow – talk about shocking. The orange fascist is literally profiting off suicide bombings!

CompassionateConservative
CompassionateConservative

You know, if they weren’t able to acquire Trump’s specially made suicide vests then they wouldn’t engage in terrorism. Just as guns cause crime, Trump’s clothing line causes terrorism.

Don’t take this the wrong way though. I still want ISIS fighters to come to the US with absolutely no discriminatory “vetting” by the millions because diversity is our strength and we need to double down on multiculturalism in the tRump age.

I applaud the many retail outlets who are no longer carrying the orange fuhrer’s terrorism causing goods.

The white race is the source of all evil and tRump is their leader.

MillionDollarBonus

Yes I agree. Terrorists in no way represent the vast majority of peaceful Muslims who simply want to practice their culture and way of life in the West in as high numbers as possible and in as many areas as possible. We should welcome these people with open arms and fight Islamophobia.

CompassionateConservative
CompassionateConservative

“Trump has repeatedly said on TV that he wants to destroy ISIS”

Yeah, because he is an Islamophobe! We progressives know that Islamic fundamentalists, homosexuals, transgenders, and all other oppressed groups can coexist together in utopian peace. The only people who can’t are despicable white people who are all nazis by the way. I have no problem letting ISIS fighters and suicide bombers in. I’m sure it will all work out. Besides, being called a RACIST scares me waaaay more than the death of my country!

caw
caw

Did Trump not mention that it was Hillary and Obama who created and armed ISIS?
In fact when Bill Clinton famously claimed “That depends on what the meaning of is is”, he laid the foundation for “is is – ISIS”, and Hillary picked up from there.

Speaking of foundations, what is foundation in Arabic – Al Qaida.
What is foundation in Hindi and Sanskrit ? Aadhaar, India’s biometric unique id program – https://resident.uidai.gov.in/faqs
You have to give it to the CIA for being consistent with their naming of their operations.

#fake-news

MillionDollarBonus

Thanks for exposing this James. Trump is guilty of owning some of the most high quality terrorist-worthy clothing lines in the world. Now if this isn’t cause for his impeachment, I don’t know what is. How can someone knowingly manufacture clothing of the highest quality, knowing full well that terrorists are looking for the most durable and fashionable garments for committing acts of terror? This is equivalent to aiding and abetting terrorists, and should land Trump in jail, but now that our justice system has been hijacked by republicans, I doubt that he will face any charges.

Osama
Osama

Thank you Accredited Times for reporting this real news story. It takes the best investigative journalism to uncover these truths. You are a vital watchdog to all purple, black and blue Americans! Trump tries to portray innocent Saudi Arabian Wahabists who practice the real sect of the religion of peace. Our tolerance for GBLTXYZ is known throughout the world. Ban the clothing, arrest the tailors!

Trumps agents have a secret base in Absurdistan to wage jihad against us.

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