Celebrating International Womyns Day

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Before Wikipedia was but a twinkle in Jimmy Wales and Larry Sangers’ eyes, the world relied on womyn for all knowledge and wisdom. Even today, womyn can recall facts, gestures, and all manner of things, far faster than the most powerful computers. Their memories are infinite. Womyn are by far the greater sex, which is why men around the world are increasingly identifying themselves as such.

Since time immemorial, March 8 is when we celebrate International Womyns’ Day. On this day, we also remember the disgraceful lack of equality that exists in some sections of society.

Progressive media outlets are covering the event like never before. The Guardian quotes one intrepid activist: ‘We are international, we are everywhere said Klementyna Suchanow, a Poland-based organiser of the International Women’s Strike, adding that the walkout would put governments and institutions under pressure by giving women a voice that has long been ignored. “We are an army of women across the globe and we are no longer asking to be listened to. The world is being forced to listen to us.”

Our Accredited Times journalists have been on the streets in force and can confirm that womyn are indeed ‘international’ and ‘everywhere’. Sightings have come in from places as far apart as Iceland, Sweden, Australia and even South Africa. These are not lone sightings either; often womyn have been spotted in clusters in cafes, bars, shops, hairdressers and on park benches. We can also confirm that the world is indeed being forced to listen to womyn and that they will not put up with being ignored.

Although not technically a minority, womyn have understandably chosen to identify themselves in this way. The fact that they have endured centuries of oppression by (white) men bestows minority and victim status on womyn.

Returning to the Guardian, today’s protesters are quite furious and ‘will take no more’:

The International Women’s Strike, meanwhile, is suggesting that women “boycott local misogynists”, stop shopping, go on a sex strike, block roads and streets, and take part in marches or pickets. Women are also encouraged to leave creative and impassioned “out of office” replies, talking about why they are striking.

Sadly, despite the call for striking in all the above activities, our reporters came back with unhappy tales of some womyn continuing to shop in mass. Traitoresses to the cause were seen exiting retail stores clutching purchased bags, candles, cushions, and even bottles of wine.

Why go shopping on International Womyns’ Day for crying out loud

Thankfully, the sex strike is proving more successful; this may be due in part to the fact that womyn simply do not enjoy this disgusting activity. There were also certain womyn ‘blocking the roads and streets’ whilst pretending to be unable to park their cars and taking up to five minutes to do so.

Womyn of the world, we salute you on this, your special day!

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

Your point on their memory retention is truly valid.
The parking thing you mention has expanded, they also obstruct traffic while pretending to send an important text message or apply an additional layer of make up. This usually occurs at stop lights but can be witnessed as they maneuver through traffic as well.

drb6
drb6

Quite right. Very often in discussions with men, womyn can recall even events that never happened, once again proving their superior memory. The superior driving abilities of womyn also deserve a special mention. They adapt to conditions very easily, in one moment driving on empty highway at 40 mph while talking on cellphone, and then suddenly accelerating to 80 mph when traffic gets heavier and they realize that they will be late for something!

trav777

Imagine the wailing and gnashing of teeth of men who come home to realize that their wife has not spent any money today and is “on strike”.

What is boggling my mind is why is the electricity still on? Why is the gas still coming into the homes, and the water? Why are the oil wells still functioning and mines still in operation if women are striking? Women are surely out doing these very dangerous jobs. But, last I checked, the planes were still flying and the army was still fighting DESPITE the women’s strike. I’m baffled.

drb6
drb6

It is horrible – the economy, which as we all know consists mostly of spending (possible due to borrowing), will NOT be supported during the strike! Womyns’ strike will cause the next recession.

MillionDollarBonus

Exactly. Whenever womyn appear to be doing badly at something, they’re actually good at it and are being held back by men or are just “misunderstood”. When womyn do well at something, this is proof of how objectively great they are, and when men do well at something it’s proof of how privileged and oppressive they are.

rodo123
rodo123

Some of my male coworkers (all white racists of course) were joking in the break room about their hope that their wives took it to heart that they would not shop and spend at least for one day.
Well good luck on that boys..
They always complain about the lack of sex thing. All chauvinist pigs if you ask me. I’m thinking of going to HR this afternoon to file a complaint. (Thankfully in our company all the HR reps are womyn of color)
You go girl! Wait I cant say that. You go womyn! That’s better

MillionDollarBonus

Great article Pbier! I think it’s right that we have a womyn’s day, but no men’s day. Chauvinist pigs don’t deserve a special day – there is literally nothing to appreciate.

Western womyn are right to be upset and go on strike. They are the most oppressed womyn in the world, with the fewest privileges and the least rights, because they’ve been living in countries run by the worst oppressors of womyn in history – WHITE MEN!

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

I’m glad my local ho’s didn’t strike got a good deal on two.

#sexist

drb6
drb6

HOW DARE YOU CALL SEX WORKERS HO’S!!!

#triggered

trav777

is this what happened to you there? Is it why you’re so angry? Just spit them out already, man!

Expat Logger
Expat Logger

I once rented a Porch 911 to impress a womyn but she hated the dark COLOR of the car, and I had to switch to economy cars to get laid.

Engelslovesyou
Engelslovesyou

This was a victorious day for international womyn from all over the globe. It was a day that they could collectively join in expounding on each and every grievance they have with Trump regardless of how small that grievance might be or whether they had any idea who Trump was in the first place. For what better day could be chosen to stop Trump in his tracks than International Womyns Day? A day when international womyn could lay down their concerns about female circumcision, driving privileges, voting rights, and property ownership to fully concentrate on the real problem of Trump.

Chezleigh
Chezleigh

Recently, I have become my wife’s sexual advisor. She told me that whenever she wants my fucking advice, she’ll ask me for it.

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