Fighting for social justice so often goes unrewarded. Though our intentions are noble and pure, we are misunderstood, criticized, denigrated, spat on and persecuted by the less enlightened in society. Alt-right bigots, for example, who treat Zero Hedge articles as Gospel and think Trump is the answer to all our problems. For these reasons, we often need a shoulder to lean on, a significant other who can help us in our daily toils. In short, the progressive needs … a personal connection.
Unfortunately, little is written in the Accredited Media about how to actually go on a “date”, and the behaviors that are expected if one is to make such social outings successful. This is the purpose of this article. Study these tips carefully and you could enjoy as strong a relationship as the couple in the featured image, or even the couple below who began to like each other a little shortly after they were introduced at their own marriage.
Firstly, the best way to find someone who is likely to be a good match is to register on a left-leaning/progressive dating site. You could even develop a relationship on the comments section of articles on the Daily Kos. Imagine there is an article about how evil Trump is. Someone called ‘Winnie Mandella79’ then posts a comment along the lines of ‘I f***ing hate that fascist bas***d! He makes me puke!’. This is your opportunity to reply with a witty retort that is sure to attract xer sympathy. Ignore the articles which claim that most people, whether men or women, are attracted to whites. This is a lie!
If you go the dating site route, you need to create a profile, download a photo and add some keywords so that you can be matched with someone similar. Words like LGBTQ+, SJW, Black_Lives_Matter, Hillary, genderqueer, Vegan_Pride, I_hate_trump are are all sensible suggestions to maximise the chances of the computer matching you with the person of your dreams.
When you get the perfect match, it’s time to select the venue for your date. In our experience, you cannot go far wrong with a modern art museum. You can beguile your date with your intelligence as you interpret the un-interpretable.
Alternative first dating locations include vegan restaurants, protest marches, riots, prison visits, anti-fascist gatherings, as well as ‘just chillin’ in the hood, it’s all good bro’. You should be prepared to exchange with your date on all manner of social justice issues. Take care never to appear overbearing or judgmental EXCEPT when it comes to non-progressives and white men. You should instead show your vulnerable side, cry lots, explain how much you love REM because they never lost their values despite their incredible fame. Be sure to open up to the sexual abuse you suffered as a child at the hand of your parents/teachers/priest/au-pair/senator etc. It doesn’t really matter how much of this is actually true, it does matter that you show the depth of your feelings and your utter vulnerability.
Depending on how your first date goes, it is possible that your date would like to be intimacy-enhanced and erotically stimulated. This is all well and good, but extreme caution needs to be taken. Before any discharge is actually discharged, you will need to get your date to fill out a 12 page questionnaire that provides actual consent on all possible scenarios which could hypothetically arise over the next 5-10 minutes. Remember that she (if it is a she) ultimately has the right to withdraw consent at ANY MOMENT, potentially even many years after she signed the consent form. For this reason, it is only sensible to have a witness with you at the time of the signing of the forms. It could also be a good idea for the witness to be present at the time you consummate your date, and to confirm that all actions taken were specifically consented to in advance, as you can never be too careful.
We wish you well in your romantic endeavours.