AT Restaurant Reviews: Top Washington Pizzeria!

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Accredited Times journalists work fearlessly around the clock to bring you, the readers, breaking news on all manner of subjects. When our articles are submitted, however, it is time to switch off and focus instead on the usual post-work issues: what to eat, where to go, that sort of thing. We therefore take a slight diversion with this article to make a restaurant recommendation.

One of our regular commentators, Onan, strongly recommended that we try his favourite pizza-joint if we ever found ourselves in Washington. He told us that he frequently goes there for ‘dominos’ and that we should feel free to drop his name to the owner, Johnny Atlantis. We were especially curious to meet Atlantis, having recently discovered that this pizza restaurateur was one of the ’50 most powerful people in Washington’. Wow, we thought, this guy’s pizzas must be something special to earn such an accolade.

With some excitement therefore, our friends and I reserved a table at a popular family-themed establishment called ‘Play Ping Pong’. Our friends are from the Washington area, a married couple with four primary school-aged kids, who have been to this joint many times. Unusually, the adults seemed much more excited to be going out for pizzas than did their kids who, if anything, looked a little off color.

As we exchanged the usual chit-chat about the weather, the football, the normal concerns about LGBTQ+ and PE-EN issues, I grew worried that the kids would be bored. To our delight, one of the restaurant employees came to our table and took the kids away for some ‘special entertainment’ downstairs. As it was ‘free of charge’, we asked no questions, simply happy that we could indulge in grown-up conversation without have to worry about children. The kids seemed reluctant to leave but, to our amazement, a man called Mr. Paedesta who we recognised from somewhere came to escort the children away.

After the waiter took our orders, we were offered a guide of the establishment and the artwork within it. To be honest, our guests seemed to appreciate it far more than I did; I’m not normally overly conservative in my tasted but I found this artwork a little too avant-garde for my tastes. I took a few photos, however:

Strapped in for the ride: presumably a kid who had been caught stealing someone else’s pizza!
Nothing to see here, move on!
Child being resuscitated? Maybe.
Exactly the same sort of art that you would find in any other pizza restaurant around the world

After the guided show (the kids were still downstairs), a waitress brought out our pizzas. They were perfectly fine, the base was crispy and thin, although the mozzarella was perhaps a little runnier than I prefer. On a positive note, the red wine was incredibly well-bodied, almost blood-like in its colour, with subtle notes of cheese and pasta, which one might nibble at whilst playing at dominos.

Due to a looming deadline on another article, I unfortunately had to make my excuses and was preparing to leave so asked for the bill. To my astonishment, the waiter told me that ‘this meal is on the house’, which seemed incredibly generous.

Our friends’ kids returned to the table just before I left and silently sipped their cokes. They seemed absolutely exhausted by their entertainment downstairs, meaning that they would surely sleep well that night.

I can’t recommend ‘Play Ping Pong’ enough. The pizzas are excellent and I thoroughly recommend that you take your children as well.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

Creepy and cringeworthy and the pizza looks like it needs a DNA test for bodily fluids.

#hate-speech

MillionDollarBonus

Wow what a great sounding restaurant! I’ll definitely be giving a try next time I’m in Washington. I also find the artwork a little confusing but that’s probably because I’m not a professional art critic. The restaurant obviously has some very sophisticated patrons who are probably into all sorts of creative art and symbolism. Great recommendation, thanks!

The Pizza Delivery Guy
The Pizza Delivery Guy

That sounds like a wholesome family restaurant. I like extra cheese. I uded to work for a pizza place as a delivery driver. This is my true story…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4Fz6gIJqLc

Black Flies Matter
Black Flies Matter

DHS Pizza – DHS Human Trafficking Video…things that make you go hmmm – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNkl4B7rvHY

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

Anything goes; I was thinking more along the lines of Jeffrey Dahmer.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

I see a thumb and possibly other body parts.

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