Gay Pride Flag Updated to Reflect Diversity

34
476

PHILADELPHIA (Accredited Times) – The Philadelphia LGBTQQIAPABCDEFG+ community came together last week to release a new Gay Pride flag that finally acknowledges the contributions People of Color have made to homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, and other forms of sexual progress. The new flag incorporates black and brown stripes at the top of the traditional rainbow flag.

“We added black and brown stripes at the top of the flag for two reasons. First, the flag now properly reflects the Oppression Pyramid in accordance with current Critical Race Theory. Black and brown should be at the top. The Accredited Times article on the Oppression Pyramid makes this 100% clear. Second, adding black and brown as ‘tops’ made the most sense in light of their common roles, particularly in the prison context”, said DeMarius LeJamieson, a bigendered political activist.

“We thought making a new flag was a great idea, particularly given that June is ‘Pride Month,'” xe added (“xe” and “xer” are xer preferred pronouns). “After all, we’re recruiters, not reproducers”.

Right wing Christian homophobes criticized the flag as “anti-Christian”, but this view was quickly debunked by experts. “‘Pride’ was the sin of Satan!” yelled Pastor John ‘Hallelujah’ Smith of Faith Baptist Church, an “independent” Baptist church with no affiliation to any mainstream denomination. “The rainbow was God’s symbol after the flood!”. Experts, however, uniformly condemned Pastor Smith’s statements, describing his comments as “hate speech”.

“This is why we fly the Gay Pride flag, and not the American flag”, LeJamieson noted. “America is racist, sexist, homophobic, and Islamophobic. The LGBTQQIAPABCDEFG+ community, in contrast, is inclusive. That’s why we added so many letters and stripes, and why we now use a ‘plus’ as well. We believe in equality”.

Donald Trump, a known bigot, has yet to comment publicly on the change. Anonymous sources from within the Trump administration, however, told the Accredited Times that the lack of attention is deliberate, owing to growing momentum to impeach the failed “President” over collusion with Russia.

Christians, meanwhile, continue to spark outrage with their homophobic and Islamophobic beliefs. “Do you know what June 26th is?” LeJamieson asked. “June 26th is a day when Christians celebrate ‘St. Pelagius‘, whom the Christians call a ‘saint’ for supposedly standing up to a male Muslim caliph who wanted to have a consensual relationship with him. That kind of Islamophobia and homophobia is unacceptable in the current year!”

LeJamieson pointed to an article from Theodore Shoebat, whom the Southern Poverty Law Center has condemned for “extremism”: “There is one saint who is almost unknown to the modern world, who was martyred because he refused to be homosexual: St. Pelagius, a martyr of Spain who lived in the 10th century. St. Pelagius was a young man, and was a prisoner to the Muslim caliph ‘Abd Al-Rahman III, an inveterate homosexual, who had a whole harem of male lovers, and who would soon lust after the young Christian. Al-Rahman invited Pelagius to a party and promised him a life of utter luxury if he would become his homosexual partner and convert to Islam. . . . Pelagius refused . . . . Abd al-Rahman was so filled with homosexual frenzy, that he had the young Christian saint slaughtered . . . .”

“This is why Christians continue to perpetrate acts of senseless violence against the LGBTQQIAPABCDEFG+ community”, LeJamieson explained. “Muslims and gays are constantly attacked by radical Christian terrorism. Just yesterday we had a racist attack on innocent Muslims in London. That’s why we need a new flag. Love is love.”

Ten experts and anonymous sources interviewed by the Accredited Times agreed with LeJamieson’s assessment.

The new flag has gained particular attention from the mainstream media in light of one of the most courageous “coming out” statements since Caitlyn Jenner told the world, “I am Cait”.  Just last week, one of the mainstream media’s most respected journalists, MillionDollarBonus, came out as non-binary. “Xe is so brave”, one anonymous journalist noted. “I am just afraid to tell the truth because hateful Christians may retaliate against me”. MillionDollarBonus is the Editor-in-Chief of the Accredited Times, a publication widely regarded by experts as the most objective and complex news site in the world.

“MillionDollarBonus gave his father the best gift for Father’s Day, something he will cherish for the rest of his life: a non-binary child”, LeJamieson noted. “Nothing makes a father prouder than pride. That’s why I burn the American flag, protest the police, and fly my new Gay Pride flag every day”.

Life is Fruitiful
Life is Fruitiful

BLM, Pride is Pride and now that the new stripes have been added we can fly a representation of the oppression pyramid as the new pride flag hierarchy. Since I’m white and identify with male, I’ll be a power bottom, which is fine with me, but I don’t know now what I’m going to do with all my old flags. Maybe a giant pride quilt with added black and brown.

MillionDollarBonus

Wow what a stunning article BLM! This truly exemplifies what accredited journalism is all about.

Thank you for sticking to the Accredited Times’ strict policy of never revealing its anonymous sources. One of the reasons so many people are willing to talk to us is that we can be trusted with their identities, and will protect them from the backlash from violent conservatives.

In my opinion the most oppressed members of the LGBTQQIAPABCDEFG+ community are “Minor Attracted Persons”. They are BY FAR the most persecuted members of society, simply for having an attraction to children. Clearly the next logical step is to normalize their attraction, and let them openly express it without fear of repercussions. Look, they even have a website where they can hang out now:

View story at Medium.com

This is what progressivism is all about.

Pbier

Wow, what a fantastic article. A million hammers and sickles are coming your way (and the mules, of course). This feels like the Great Progressive Leap Forward. Since Cis gendered white males now account for only 5% maximum of the population (based on the proportion of msm articles about them, known to be a reliable indicator), they stand no chance.

Anon
Anon

Lets not forget the ghosts of 60 million Russians, 100 million Chinese, 15 million Germans (what ever happened to all those Prussians under the rule of the Communist Jews?), million of dead Cambodians, and 10’s of millions of starved and starving (to death) North Koreans

Martha C.
Martha C.

Great job once again @BLM!

So when will we get a ‘gray/beige’ stripe representing all colors and sexes combined? The end goal of Progressivism should be a society of one race/sex/class..right? Looking forward to the future.

Diversity is an old-fashioned concept.

wpDiscuz