WASHINGTON, D.C. (Accredited Times) – As rumors continue to swirl over the possible departure of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, Americans have increasingly woken up to the risk of yet another Donald Trump appointment to the Supreme Court. Most Americans understand that another Trump appointment would seriously jeopardize the rights of women, minorities, gays, and members of the transpecies community (a.k.a., “furries”). But why? What would be so bad about another Trump appointment?
The major risk is the possibility that the Supreme Court might move away from the well-worn view of the Constitution as a “living, breathing document” and towards the mistaken view that courts should instead interpret the Constitution according to its “original intent“. Progressives have long asserted that the Constitution is a “living, breathing document”; conservatives, in contrast, like former Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, have argued that the Constitution is “dead, dead, dead”, advocating for an interpretation based on the text of the document as “originally written”.
Surprisingly, many Americans remain deeply confused about the issue. A shocking Marist poll conducted earlier this year found that an astounding 8 in 10 Americans believe that the Supreme Court should interpret the Constitution as “originally written”, as opposed to interpreting the Constitution as a living, breathing document.
That view, however, is simply incorrect as a matter of law. As civil rights advocates, we progressives cannot sit idly by while conservatives mislead the general public and defame the Constitution. We need to explain to the general public why the Constitution is a living, breathing document, so progressives can arm themselves with the facts (and just the facts ma’am) and have the wherewithal to answer any future Trump appointment with a sharp rejoinder. So, with these thoughts in mind, here are the key reasons why the Constitution is, in fact, a living, breathing document, and not “dead, dead, dead,” as former Justice Antonin Scalia maintained:
1. The Constitution Is Filled With Bacteria, Many of Which Breathe Oxygen
Unlike the Constitution of the United Kingdom, the U.S. Constitution is written on a single piece of a paper — a really old, and really, really, really filthy piece of paper. Stored in the National Archives in Washington, D.C., our heroic bureaucrats have done everything they can to keep the Constitution from decomposing and from being used as toilet paper by Trump and other Republicans.
That doesn’t mean that the Constitution is bacteria-free, however. In fact, the Constitution is teeming with literally billions of bacteria. According to experts, many of these bacteria qualify as “aerobes“, meaning bacteria that generally breathe oxygen in exactly the same cellular respiration process as human beings and other living organisms. These living beings are every bit a part of the Constitution as “friendly bacteria” in our digestive tracts are part of us. According to Pratima Bajpai’s Pulp and the Paper Industry: Microbiological Issues in Papermaking, the “main aerobic bacteria genera” in paper include Bacillus, Burkholderia, Enterobacter, Flavobacterium, Gallionella, Klebsiella, Pseudomonas, Sphaerotilus, and Thiobacillus.
Consequently, science demonstrates irrefutably that the Constitution is a living, breathing document. The fact that conservatives would reject the scientific consensus on the Constitution is unsurprising. Conservatives have long waged a war against science. So next time a conservative tries to tell you that the Constitution is “dead, dead, dead”, ask them about the living Bacillus species that are part and parcel of the Constitution today.
2. Oxygen Constantly Reacts With Cellulose Fibers In Paper, Thereby Causing The Paper Itself to “Breathe”
Even separate and apart from the bacteria living on the Constitution, the paper itself in the Constitution continually reacts with oxygen and therefore “breathes”. Paper consists of three main components, each of which reacts with oxygen: (1) cellulose fibers, (2) lignan (a three-dimensional polymer that binds the cellulose fibers together), and (3) hemicelluloses (shorter branched carbohydrate polymers).
For example, in December 1984, Professor Brian Garston of the University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology published an article, entitled “Degradation of Cellulose by Singlet Oxygen“, explaining that singlet oxygen, a form of oxygen, has the capacity to react with, and degrade, cellulose. Singlet oxygen is the same as ordinary oxygen (O2), except its electrons subside at higher energy states. The chemical is constantly formed everywhere, including by high frequency photons produced by the sun and many types of common light bulbs, such as those found in the National Archives building. Consequently, even the paper itself in the Constitution “breathes” oxygen.
Now a conservative might argue that just because the Constitution breathes, it is not necessarily alive. But have you ever known something to breathe and yet not be alive? No, obviously not. So the Constitution is quite clearly both a living and breathing document.
3. New Age Theorists Have Explained That Everything Is “Alive”
The modern conservative view of the world is that we live in an uncaring “dead” universe. Animals are to be killed and eaten; bugs are to be viciously murdered by genocidal pesticides; forests are to be clear-cut to build McMansions; and the Constitution is to be torn to shreds because it’s “dead, dead, dead”.
Not surprisingly, this view has led to worldwide poverty and an unmitigated environmental crisis. It’s also completely wrong, as New Agers have taught us. As New Age philosopher Alan Watts has noted: “The so-called physical world and the so-called human body are a single process, differentiated only as the heart from the lungs or the head from the feet”. In other words, we are the Constitution, and the Constitution is us. We are alive, so the Constitution is alive too.
4. Former African-American Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall Said That The Constitution Is a “Living Document”, So Anyone Who Disagrees Is a Racist
As the accredited media has taught us, the greatest Justice in the history of the Supreme Court was Thurgood Marshall, who was also the first African-American Justice. Evil conservatives have criticized Marshall for supposedly being lazy because he watched soap operas during the workday and often did not bother buttoning his robe, but Justice Marshall was also a genius who argued Brown v. Board of Education, the landmark 1954 decision invalidating segregation in public schools.
In 1987, Justice Marshall delivered a lecture entitled: “The Constitution: A Living Document”. In the lecture, Justice Marshall endorsed the “living Constitution” theory. Therefore, anyone who opposes the “living Constitution” viewpoint is a racist.
5. Progressive President and Scholar Woodrow Wilson Also Said That The Constitution is a Living Document, So Anyone Who Disagrees Is Stupid
Progressive President Woodrow Wilson also believed the Constitution to be a living, breathing document. Wilson, the first academic to serve in the White House, served as the President of Princeton University from 1902 to 1910 before becoming Governor of New Jersey in 1911 to 1913 and President of the United States from 1913 to 1921. Wilson was a political scientist of the keenest intellect whose doctoral dissertation, Congressional Government: A Study in American Politics, is still beloved by progressives to this day.
Like other progressives in the early 20th century, Wilson believed in Social Darwinism as the means of generating social progress. These Social Darwinist views formed the basis for his belief in a living Constitution:
Living political constitutions must be Darwinian in structure and in practice. Society is a living organism and must obey the laws of life, not of mechanics; it must develop.
6. The Accredited Media Has Told Us That The Constitution Is A Living, Breathing Document
Finally, we know that the Constitution is a living, breathing document because the accredited media has already told us so. The number of articles on the subject are too numerous to mention, but just by way of example, the Huffington Post recently wrote an article entitled “[The] Constitution Is Clearly a Living Document”, scholastic superstar Cass Sunstein has similarly written a scathing critique of originalism for Bloomberg, and MSNBC has proved that President Abraham Lincoln believed in a living Constitution, thereby establishing that anyone who is against the living Constitution theory is a Confederate sympathizer and likely a supporter of the Ku Klux Klan.
So the next time a conservative tries to argue in favor of “original intent”, let them know the real facts. The Constitution is a living, breathing document, and anyone who disagrees is a racist idiot.