Chris Cuomo to Join the Accredited Times?

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With Chris Cuomo coming under unwarranted vicious attack from all sides in the last few days there is excited chatter around the office that he may throw in the towel at CNN and join the Accredited Times. We must stress that this is merely speculation as our fearless leader Million Dollar Bonus has not been here – he has been busy and away in his pivotal roll as an organizer of important LGBTQ+ rallies (including the exciting first ever Mecca Pride). The final decision on whether or not the fabulous and accredited journalist Chris Cuomo will join us at the Accredited Times is solely up to MDB.

With everyone from the traitor Julian Assange to (until now) accredited CNN producer Jimmy Carr dissing Cuomo for no other reason besides jealousy – it is no wonder that the first class journalist (who bravely pointed out the criminality of reading Wikileaks) is looking for a clean break.

The hate speech against Cuomo begins at 2:48.
Would you like to see Chris Cuomo Join the Accredited Times?
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Part-time journalist, environmentalist, animal rights activist and proud owner of New Zealand's most popular vegan restaurant.
MillionDollarBonus

Just to fill in our readers, the Accredited Times editorial team, including myself, Rich, Pbier and BLM just had a conference call with one of Chris Cuomo’s agents, and we’re busy putting together an offer he can’t refuse, with a lucrative pay package, mouth-watering bonuses and share options. We are the fastest growing accredited news site on the web, and we’re ready to take on talent like Chris Cuomo and give them leading roles in our organization. CNN is great, but this is the digital age, and internet news sites like the Accredited Times will soon take the place of companies like CNN, as much as I regret to say it. We’ll keep you updated on his decision.

Chris Matthews
Chris Matthews

I’m hoping there will be room for me.

Chris Matthews
Chris Matthews

I’m getting a tingle up my leg.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

Seeing the announcement about Cuomo Joining AT does nothing but dishearten me. While Chris is a fine journalist, have none of you noticed that he is obviously a WHITE MALE. The AT team already has too many white males employed (>1).

I would think that you would spend your efforts pursuing Mika from Morning Joe.
What about Van Jones, He is the greatest news contributor there is. Granted the Russia nothing burger is a big strike but you all know that was heavily edited.
What he said was “Russia is nothing, we will nuke them then go our for a burger”.

The bigotry of the Accredited Times hiring polices must stop now.

Black Lives Matter

I think it goes without saying that Cuomo would need to change his race and/or gender before joining the Accredited Times. I don’t think this would be a problem for Cuomo, though, given the synergistic benefits of him joining such a prestigious publication. Imagine Cuomo as a bigendered, self-identifying African-American furry – we would REALLY change the world then!

MillionDollarBonus

Hey mmvc, we’ve added a new clause in our offer requiring him to change his gender, sexuality or race. I’m non-binary now so that’s one less white cis male at the AT, but you’re right, we need to meet our diversity quota. We have BLM, a black male, and Rich, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and Pbier, who is considering whether to get species reassignment surgery. With another victim group among our ranks, we’ll be an even more balanced and well-adjusted editorial team.

Pbier

I’d define my current status as more Polytranspecies-Curious (PC). It’s not that I won’t get the surgery, it’s just that I identify as so many different species all at the same time. If I have an operation to permanently affix a lions mane, for example, just as I want to, this is discriminatory against the part of me that identifies as a Zebra, which then feels threatened by the lion.

On the other hand, not getting the surgery feels like a lack of commitment, meaning I am at this stage ‘curious’.

Honestly, this is just tearing me up inside,

This may be a new and very rare victimhood status, in which case I am certain the AT remuneration committee will need to reflect this in my yearly bonus.

MillionDollarBonus

Wow that must be hard Pbier. Unfortunately our new $40 minimum wage policy has kind of broken the bank, along with our Chris Cuomo offer, so we’re waiting for it to all balance out before giving our editors raises. Cis-species and mono-species individuals are scum though! They need to check their privilege or face the wrath of antifa.

Black Flies Matter
Black Flies Matter

Well …he certainly does have those Pouty lips, and that Frankenstein forehead …he’s definitely accredited .

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