A Modest Proposal To End Child Abuse

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Since the birth of time, parents have wrongly assumed that their progeny should go through what is commonly referred to as ‘childhood’. UNICEF helpfully defines childhood as:

“...the time for children to be in school and at play, to grow strong and confident with the love and encouragement of their family and an extended community of caring adults. It is a precious time in which children should live free from fear, safe from violence and protected from abuse and exploitation. As such, childhood means much more than just the space between birth and the attainment of adulthood. It refers to the state and condition of a child’s life, to the quality of those years.”

It is said by privileged Christians that Satan will get people to believe and accept a lie by including 99 truthful things in any given statement/writing – alongside the lie. So it is with UNICEF’S definition of what childhood means.

The truth is that ‘childhood’ – as we understand it in the West – is the worst form of child abuse there is. During most traditional ‘childhoods’, children are taught that:

  • A fat bearded white man will ‘come down the chimney’ on December 25th and deliver plastic consumable goods (a whopping lie, since he does not exist and nor does the ‘chimney’)
  • When they lose their first tooth, a ‘fairy’ (grossly offensive to the LGBTQ+ community) will steal this tooth from under the pillow and make reparations of only a few cents or dollar at tops (another whopping lie, since fairies do not exist – at least not the ones with wings and wands)
  • When they catch Mom and Dad ‘in the act’, Mom is not actually being ‘attacked’ or ‘hurt’ by Dad. The truth is that, as a woman, Mom hates sex and only goes through with the despicable act because of the patriarchy. Mom is actually being raped.
  • Family is the most important thing.
  • Animals can talk, dress as humans etc. Walt Disney has a lot to answer for.

This model may have worked in the ignorant past but now is the time to put an end to childish things in the name of progress. Babies and children simply do not need lying to or not being given information that they need. Our modest proposal is to eradicate ‘childhood’ altogether as it serves absolutely no purpose except to indulge the sadistic pleasures of parents and their weird lies. We propose to replace childhood with a national curriculum to apply from the first week after birth. Babies and kids need to be taught the following:

  • That gender is a social construct, which is entirely fluid and which they can change at any moment
  • That the Government (not the family) is the guarantor of their freedoms, rights.
  • That the Government loves them. Very much.
  • That it is the Federal Reserve which will pay them their pocket money from now on, and not the Bank of Mom and Dad
  • That meat is murder
  • That John Maynard Keynes was the greatest economist ever, and that Paul Krugman is his prophet
  • That Humanism is the accredited way forward rather than Christianity

Only through these proposals can we be sure that our next generation will be fitter, happier, more productive.

Mephisto Spock
Mephisto Spock

Exactly Pbier, you have come up with the formula for child rearing that will eventually create the generation that will save us and the planet.

Black Lives Matter

I agree 100%. Another part of the formula should be eliminating males since they are responsible for abuse in 99.9999% of cases.

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

I like your name Mr Spock, but do you have the right eyeliner? I suggest Urban Decay’s Perversion for frequent travelers.

MillionDollarBonus

Yes! The Bernie Sanders supporters are a model for the generation that will free the world from oppression. They are so well-educated on the evils of capitalism and the myth of personal responsibility, it’s truly admirable.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

Kids would be much better off being exposed to “best of” speeches of Betsy DeVos and Ted Cruz. Definitely.

Black Lives Matter

This may not be a bad idea since it would be like exposing oneself to tetanus for vaccination purposes.

Buck
Buck

Wow Pbier, this is a home run post! (Not to encourage the racist “sport” and “outdoor traditional pastime” that is baseball)

I would humbly suggest that toddlers should be given a personal loan at today’s fantastic interest rates as early as possible. They could choose between offerings from 3-5 of the most accredited banks that are probably far away from their local redneck credit unions. This will teach them that all that is gilded is trustworthy and secure. With a UBI and their own apartment/financed car/milk loan, we can start to teach them about the real world ASAP

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

Who will change their diapers? The UN knows what is good for the world – biometric IDs, cashless, digital, fully taxed economy, vaccines, genetically modified mosquitoes, etc. But can the UN change toddlers’ diapers, when they haven’t been weaned off diapers yet?

Anon
Anon

Diapers only apply to the white race.

The vast majority of non whites “shit where they eat”

MillionDollarBonus

Very wise, Buck. We also need to get rid of fathers who try to teach young boys how to fix cars and fish, and teach young girls how to find good honest men. Single mothers do the best job of raising children, while working four jobs at the same time – they’re so courageous!

Anon
Anon

The Impalement of all Pedophile would be a good start.

If there is a shortage of stakes, we should start with Muslims as they tend to not only be repeat offenders but collude with other Muslims to abuse children.

We impale the ones in packs first and then go after the lone wolves.

I believe airports would be a good place for the events as it would give “refugees” a first hand look at their potential future.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

Our nation has a rich history of properly educating it’s youth. When we were a young nation there were people who resided here and we Settlers considered their Children to be not raised properly so we placed the parents on reservations took over their homes and took the children and educated them to the proper beliefs n state run schools. That system delivered us great people like Senator Warren.
It is quite simple, today’s modern settlers need to do the same with the backward thinking white residents.

MillionDollarBonus

That’s so true. The new Muslim majority in Europe needs to put ignorant white children in Muslim schools where they can learn how to be civilized. And yes – the Hispanic immigrants are hardy SETTLERS, pioneering in a harsh and uncivilized land called America, unlike whites all those years ago.

Anon
Anon

Learning about Mohammad dressing up in little girls clothing in order to receive divine revelation MUST be every schools curriculum.

It is even worth a $100,000 boat anchor debt load for college. Maybe!

MillionDollarBonus

Nice one Pbier! Childhood innocence is a relic of the racist Christian white patriarchy, and needs to be brought to an end. Progressives want to teach children about SEX! It must be the most important subject to teach, because we’re obsessed with teaching it to children.

intersectionalityisforeveryone
intersectionalityisforeveryone

Goverment is the Mother Goddess

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

Impregnated by modest proposals from MDB!

Anon
Anon

eeeeuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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