The Glamorous Life Of An Accredited Journalist

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Few careers can match the excitement and prestige of working for an accredited media organization. In the limelight 24/7, admired by millions of loyal viewers, and on the cusp of new and emerging stories, accredited journalism is a dream job for smart and eloquent scholars with a taste for adventure and a passion for bringing the truth to millions of viewers and readers. Accredited journalists and TV anchors are treated with a reverence like no other, as they dazzle their audience with fancy studios, smart suits, witty remarks, panels of experts and confident voices. Only the most paranoid right wing lunatics can resist their charm and bring themselves to question the well-presented information on accredited news channels. With so many perks, it of course goes without saying that a career in accredited journalism is reserved for only the best and brightest the world has to offer.

The life of an accredited journalist is laced with excitement and glamour, from conducting high-stakes interviews with high-level officials, meeting with celebrities, attending sophisticated New York cocktail parties and grilling Trump (or praising Obama) in White House press conferences. Accredited journalists are undoubtedly the cool kids with all the status and social clout in society. Average citizens giggle shyly and look at their feet when approached by important accredited journalists for their take on current affairs. While under the spotlight, average people do their best to look knowledgeable by acquiescing to the prevailing accredited narratives, rather than thinking about the issue from first principles or daring to admit that they don’t have an opinion on it yet. There’s nothing worse than looking foolish in front of a high status accredited journalist in a suit!

Accredited journalism also has an element of danger though, as revolutionary journalists and news anchors reveal breaking leaks from anonymous sources, and live in constant fear of persecution by fascist anti-journalism regimes like Trump’s America, Putin’s Russia and Duterte’s Philippines. Bringing the truth to the masses is not easy in an unstable political climate which actively demonizes honest journalists. During the Michael Brown saga, the accredited media wasn’t afraid to take sides (even before the trial), despite the risk of repercussions from America’s powerful police force and prison industrial complex. Just because accredited journalists live lives of glamour and decadence, doesn’t mean they can’t also be lauded as courageous revolutionaries and activists.

At the Accredited Times, the fastest growing accredited news site on the web, our editorial team dreams of one day living the lives of Chris Cuomo, Brian Stelter and Megyn Kelly, attending White House Press conferences, breaking classified information from anonymous sources and attending fancy dinners and parties with celebrities and movers and shakers. With our degrees in CRT and a range of other important humanities, portfolios of ground-breaking accredited articles, and a keen eye for current affairs, we know that it’s only a matter of time before we’re all scooped up by the New York Times or the Washington Post. Rumor has it that Time Warner is also closely eyeing the AT for an acquisition, as they look to make in-roads into internet media, which every accredited expert agrees is the future of journalism. Exciting times are ahead folks, so tighten your seat-belts. This exciting new adventure in accredited journalism is only getting started!

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34 Comments on "The Glamorous Life Of An Accredited Journalist"

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Pbier

We need to be bold and thinking a little bigger. How about a reverse take-over of Time Warner? Even the names merge pretty well I think: Accredited Times + Times Warner = Accredited Times Warner

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

If you really really want to be the ultimate news corporation, you can always change the name to Accredited Times Media (ATM for short)

Then you can milk it for all it’s worth as a cash cow.

Please flag me for being speciest!

John Sakars
John Sakars

Expat Logger
Expat Logger

Beau, your such a WAG!

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

Watch it, young man! In a moment of weakness, I may have let you photo shoot me, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me as your HAB. Check your privilege!

Anon
Anon

In the redneck community, it goes without saying.

You shoot it! You own it!.

#rape

John Sakars
John Sakars

I applaud everyone who goes dumpster diving and documents the wastefulness.

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

That’s a new one on me, John. But after something as urban as that, I imagine you want to hang up your dumpster boots and relax with a more recreational activity like scuba diving, or any other kind of diving for that matter!

Black Lives Matter

This needs to happen. The Accredited Times should do a leveraged buyout. With the AT’s accreditation, bankers are sure to lend enough money to make this deal happen, particularly if Chris Cuomo jumps on board.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

AT…. Striving to be the news rather than reporting it. Haters.

richandrenee

They’ve been viewing the totally unaccredited Putin Interviews on state TV here in Aotearoa. We thought this was a progressive safe zone – is nowhere safe from Putin’s puppet Trump and the traitor Oliver Stone?

КГБ
КГБ

Все ваши аккредитованные СМИ принадлежат нам

Путин – лучшая вещь, поскольку нарезанный хлеб

#russian-propaganda

Kitty Kitty Bang Bang
Kitty Kitty Bang Bang

yous smart anon ….. can you trinslate it for us ?????????????????????

Black Lives Matter

I took some Russian back when I was hoping the Soviet Union would come back and merge with the European Union. I think he’s saying that all of your accredited media belongs to us and that Putin is the best thing since sliced bread. This is listed under the name “KGB” so it’s almost certainly the same people who hacked the DNC and colluded with Trump.

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

99% correct, BLM. Putin is saying all your accredited media belong to us and Trump is our bitch. It’s always the 1% you have to worry about!

drb6
drb6

The Russian so-called “КГБ” uses is direct from google translate, so xer must be from American far-right trying to intimidate progressives such as us.

Black Lives Matter

Surprise, surprise, another right-wing Putin-loving terrorist.

Anon
Anon

Wrong Anon

For future reference I am the AMERICAN WHITE MALE Anon.

The Russian one is spelled

анонимное with the имное being invisible.

#fake-news

Black Lives Matter

I’m glad to see that you’re adopting the non-binary “neuter” version of the Russian word “anonymous” instead of the masculine version (анонимный). You’re finally getting in touch with your inner brony.

Anon
Anon

Who said I adopted it?

Oh!

Some vitamin D and iodine deficient Black DONKEY BRAIN.

Never Mind!

#racist

richandrenee

How dare you post such evil homophobic filth here KGB. The Oliver Stone paid for anti-gay propaganda was bad enough – but these Russian made lies are beyond the pale.

It’s no wonder our fantastically progressive equal opportunity CIA is about to crush you nasty transphobes.

Anon
Anon

Still waiting for all those libtards that promised to go to Canada if Trump won, to actually move there.

#ableist

Anon
Anon

Truth Hurts!

#hate-speech

Lehcar Woddam
Lehcar Woddam

Another perk to being an Accredited Journalist is the fact that you no longer have to think about where you stand on any issue. With accreditation comes certainty that you are correct as long as you stick with the accredited progressive vision.

Anon
Anon

No Way!

Accredited Journalists can THINK?

Aren’t they like BRAIN DEAD?

#anti-journalism

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