Chicago, Illinois (Accredited Times) – When Barack Hussein Obama initially ran for office, many compared him to Jesus. Like Jesus, Obama is black. Like Jesus, Obama healed the sick. And, like Jesus, Obama is also a messianic figure who brought “hope” and “change” to the world.
Now, like Jesus, Obama has his own official holiday, a solemn occasion to remember this most holy African-American — our first “Gay President“.
The Illinois state government, a government known for its innovative fiscal progressivism, has declared August 4th “Barack Obama Day” from henceforth until the end of days, when Obama shall cometh with clouds to save humanity from a Trumpian apocalypse.
Joy to the world, the Lord has come!
Let earth receive her King!
Let every heart prepare Him room!
And Heaven and nature sing!
And Heaven and nature sing!
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing!
Born in Kenya, Obama started off with humble beginnings as the putative son of a Muslim goat herder. As the declared son of a Muslim, Obama himself became a Muslim at birth under shariah law. Obama then reaffirmed his Muslim faith by reciting the shahada while attending an Islamic school in Indonesia. Obama later ran openly as a Muslim, discussing his Muslim faith openly with ABC News’ top political journalist George Stephanopoulos, who also served as a top political operative for Bill Clinton immediately before joining ABC News.
Later it turned out that Obama’s real father was actually another man, Frank Marshall Davis, a known pornographer and card-carrying member of the Communist Party USA. Obama repeatedly conceded Davis’ parentage by referring to Davis as “pop” and even wrote a homosexual poem about Davis under the same name. The poem includes the lines: “Stain on his shorts that I’ve got on mine [sic] and Makes [sic] me smell his smell [sic]”. However, at that point, Obama had already embraced Islam, and Obama’s homosexual “red diaper baby” roots made him even more edgy and hip.
Now America’s first communist, homosexual, Muslim, African-American President has his own holiday — and progressives couldn’t be any happier.
“I won’t have to worry about putting gas in my car! I won’t have to worry about paying my mortgage!” African-American Peggy Joseph said.
Under the law, “Barack Obama Day” will be “observed throughout the State as a day set apart to honor the 44th President of the United States of America who began his career serving the People of Illinois in both the Illinois State Senate and the United States Senate, and dedicated his life to protecting the rights of Americans and building bridges across communities”. Progressive Governor Bruce Rauner, a Republican, signed the bill into law on Friday. Like John McCain, Rauner has opposed any efforts to repeal ObamaCare, a law that gave healthcare to all Americans, documented and undocumented alike.
The only questions are (1) when the rest of the country will make “Barack Obama Day” an official national holiday, and (2) when the country will also make “Michelle Obama Day” an official national holiday. Anything less would clearly be racist.