As many of you know, I took a break from the AT last week to get treatment for my apparently “dangerously” low testosterone levels, and boy am I glad that that whole nightmare is over. After receiving a couple of initial injections, I felt this sudden change in my body, like I’d been woken from a deep sleep. I started to feel aggressive, and wanted to be more assertive – but these things are markers of toxic masculinity according to feminists. I even found myself noticing pretty women more, and feeling a little detached from my non-binary identity, and I thought to myself – this must be what it feels like to be a conservative. The newfound confidence and aggression I felt was really scary, and it made me feel more in control and more responsible for my actions. Like a typical progressive, I ran from this responsibility, and I politely told my doctor that I didn’t think I needed the treatment, and that I would not be continuing the course, despite his recommendations. The whole terrifying experience got me curious, and prompted me to do a little research into how hormones differ among people with different political views, and it turns out that there are indeed some significant trends.
The most notable trend is that men with markers of high testosterone, such as wider faces, broader shoulders and greater physical strength, were more likely to be conservative. This comes as no surprise to me, because I’ve been at many Bernie and Hillary rallies, and the males are scrawny and effeminate college kids and creepy old single men like Anon, whereas in the videos of Trump rallies, the men look like college jocks, soldiers, dependable fathers and husbands and manual laborers. Studies have also shown that progressives have more dopamine receptors, and are more likely to be thrill-seekers who are always jaded and looking for new forms of excitement, unable to take pleasure in the simple things life has to offer.
Thankfully though, we on the left are not alone with our low testosterone levels. Testosterone is falling fast in the west, due to a range of factors such as single motherhood, feminine dominance of the education system, and a variety of estrogenic compounds found in our food and water such as plastics, soy and hormones in meat. As we become more feminized as a society, we are also becoming more left wing, because fundamentally, the right represents masculinity and the left represents femininity. Modern men think more and more like women, and are unable to address scary problems that might get them socially ostracized, like over-dependence on welfare, genetics and intelligence, and genetic disparities in birth rates. Modern men don’t talk about business and right wing politics in the cigar room anymore – they instead engage in witty banter and small-talk and, … no that’s about it.
Thank you so much, BLM and Pbier for your fantastic articles while I was away. They have really expanded my horizons on a plethora of social justice issues, from diversity hiring at Google, to white male rape culture, to the idea that Satanism is not a bad thing and is in fact an accredited religion which needs to be respected and taught to children. It’s so cool that Google’s new Indian CEO favors the hiring of other Indians over white males. We can always rely on people high up the oppression pyramid to favor themselves over other groups instead of adhering to broader principles like whites do. I look forward to tending to my vegan garden this week and resuming my morning accredited independent journalism. It’s time to take progressivism to the next level, and start accelerating America’s transformation into a diverse, Marxist utopia!