Barcelona, Spain (Accredited Times) – Stop me if you’ve heard this story before. Earlier today, religious extremists attacked innocent civilians in a terror attack. They used an automobile to plow into a crowd. They also took some hostages.
People, listen up because I’m only going to say this once. Terrorism is fundamentally a PR stunt. No one is really “terrified” by “terrorism” because the odds of someone becoming a victim of terrorism are frankly lower than the odds of being struck by a bolt of lightning while reading this stupid article.
Sorry, but the recent Barcelona terror attack was just too boring and too unoriginal to be an effective PR stunt. I’m sure there were a few “Allahu Akbars” followed by explosions, but come on — how many times has that been done before?
Of course, the only reason terrorism exists in the first place is because of the media. If it bleeds, it leads. That’s why religious extremists and other assorted kooks resort to terrorism: the media loves explosions (splosions!), death, fires, mayhem, people crying (especially women and minorities), shattered glass on roads, and so forth.
Any time a terrorist attack happens, anyone with an acquaintance within 1,000 miles of the attack suddenly becomes slightly concerned (not “terrified”) and says to himself or herself something like: “OMG, Bob might have been there. I better read the rest of the article.”
After reading the article, typically a text message and/or email follows:
“Just wanted to make sure you were safe.”
“Bob, you’re OK, right?”
If a spouse walks into the room, the original person will then say something like, “Honey, Bob lives in Spain.”
“Who’s Bob?” the spouse replies.
“You know — Bob from accounting at my old job. I just hope he’s safe.”
Uh, of course, he’s safe from the stupid terrorist attack. The greater threat is that Bob’s iPhone might explode while reading your stupid text messages during his vacation in the Greek islands (away from his home in Madrid, not Barcelona). Or that he might die of boredom from reading another article about another unoriginal terrorism attack.
Terrorism needs to excite. It needs to thrill. That’s the best way to win the featured coverage in the Accredited Times that terrorists desire. Then again, blowing people up or running over them might not be the best way of persuading people that you’re the “good guys”. In fact — and I know this may come as a shock to some extremists — it might actually make people dislike your message. Seriously.
So here’s another thought. Instead of running people over, maybe try being nice to people. Maybe try a bake sale or something.
Anyway, I’m going to stop writing about this “terror attack” because frankly I’m getting too bored and can’t take this stupid crap any more.
The Accredited Times rates the Barcelona PR stunt/attack an “F”.