Why We Need To Ban Solar Eclipses

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A person of color viewing a solar eclipse through special eclipse glasses so as to avoid eyesight damage.


Washington, D.C. (Accredited Times) – On August 21, 2017 a total solar eclipse will occur.  It will be the first total solar eclipse visible from the contiguous United States since 1979.  Unfortunately, if the past is any guide, this solar eclipse will likely cause massive harm to animals, including wreaking havoc on sleep schedules and other important diurnal cycles.

Solar eclipses have a long history of causing adverse effects to animal health.  In 1544, one report indicated that “birds ceased singing” during a solar eclipse.  In 1560, another shocking report even said that “birds fell to the ground.”

In 1932, researchers found that bees had returned to their hives during a solar eclipse.  In 1991, Mexican orb-weaving spiders took down their webs and started rebuilding them minutes later when the eclipse had ended.

Koalas can become significantly perturbed upon seeing a solar eclipse.

Zoos commonly see animals acting more impulsively during solar eclipses than Donald Trump on a tweet-storm.  In 2012, twenty lemurs in a Japanese zoo skipped breakfast and jumped up and down wildly like Melania Trump on a stripper pole.  Caretakers have also seen elephants return to their sleeping areas and chimps staring at the sky “baffled by what was going on,” according to Bruce Stein of the National Wildlife Federation.

Progressives cannot allow this threat to animal health to continue any longer.

As progressives, we know that the government can solve all problems simply by passing new laws.  Want to end gun crime?  Just pass a law banning guns.  Want to end poverty?  Just pass a law redistributing wealth from the rich to the poor.  Want to make food, gasoline, and housing more affordable?  Just pass a law imposing price controls on food, gasoline, and housing.  Want to increase people’s wages?  Just pass a law imposing a living wage.  Want to keep prices stable?  Just pass a law establishing a central bank that manages the money supply.  Want to end climate change?  Just pass a law that ends climate change with carbon credits and other symbolic measures.  Want to deliver affordable healthcare for all?  Just pass the Affordable Care Act.  The results speak for themselves, especially in view of progressive success stories like Venezuela.  In the same regard, all we need to do is simply pass a law banning solar eclipses, and the problem will be solved, particularly if we allocate a few trillion dollars for bureaucrats to regulate the issue with “eclipse credits” and other similar enforcement mechanisms.

Conservatives often contend that the government should only pass laws that comport with their warped, racist view of reality.  Citing the Declaration of Independence, they love to contend that the government should only pass laws consistent with “the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God”, including “certain unalienable Rights” granted by a make-believe “Creator”.

As progressives, however, we know better.  As the legal realist schools at Yale, Harvard, and Columbia Law Schools have taught us, “the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God” do not really exist.  Rights come from government, not God.  Moreover, the Constitution is a living, breathing document subject to revision by progressive judicial activists.  In addition, even mentioning the Declaration of Independence is racist because it was written by a white slave-owner from the South and signed by a bunch of Bible thumpers.

Simply put, progressives are right, and conservatives are racist.  With progressives in charge, government can write whatever laws we want to solve whatever problems we have.

It’s time to ban solar eclipses NOW.

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

Who will implement the ban?

All this ultimately come down to this, something that the eunuchs regarded as the epitome of democratic governance, will never understand.

Do the cops maintain order, or do they require a functioning society that knows right from wrong, so that they can go on their beats, and draw their salary?
Do the judges and supreme court create a law abiding society, or do they depend on a law abiding society, to make pompous judicial pronouncements and draw their salary?

Today an eunuch can claim that he is the only morally upright person, and everyone else deals with black money, evades taxes, and ignores regulations. And the eunuch makes rules, introduces taxes, surveillance, and instead of creative, hard-working people benefiting from mutually beneficial relationships with other adults, are made into slaves, who spend sleepless nights, trying to predict the eunuch’s next move, that will interfere with their life or their business. While the tax and regulatory authorities are kings, who shake their ass in confident assurance, who can raid, and arrest people on a whim, depending on the eunuch’s agenda.

Trump by reducing regulations, and ignoring the shrill hysteria about global warming, is keeping the eunuchs in check.

trav777

I also think that we should in the interests of fairness, have the sun come up in the west sometimes. After all, CALIFORNIA is over there and they do not get to enjoy the sunrise over the Pacific.

Clearly, bipartisan legislation is necessary.

MillionDollarBonus

Anyone who opposes this is a social Darwinist who thinks nature should select for genes that are adapted to the current environment. That’s just mean. Progressives understand that subsidizing poor people with welfare and foreign aid is great, because then we end up with ten times more low skill labor, which with impending automation will become valueless, and these people will protest and become activists who collect living wages and go after greedy capitalists and white males!

trav777

If you disagree with evolution then you are an anti-science right wing whackjob.

If you assert that evolution’s actions on humans produced any actual consequences, then you are a racist (right wing whackjob).

Remember, humans INCONTROVERTIBLY diverged via evolution, genetically, from a common ancestor with great apes around 6 mya. However, at some point in recent history, sex and race (which were created by evolution prior to that point) stopped becoming biological and started becoming a social construct. I do not know if gender is a social construct for chimps or whether the different species of chimps or of species that have closer DNA correlation than human races (asian-african giraffes, lions) are social constructs or not.

Either way, every difference between humans is not a result of genetics, but is a result of environment. Be on the lookout for my upcoming article on Trofim Lysenko, a true Lion of the Ages, which will probably explain quite a bit of these apparent logic problems.

MillionDollarBonus

Wow thanks BLM, what an enlightening article! Laws do indeed solve all problems. One of the reasons our stock market is doing so well is that Barrack Obama passed a “jobs bill”, which is a bill specifically designed to create JOBS. We don’t need jobs bills all the time though – only when they’re strictly necessary according to economists. Economists have specific targets for employment, economic growth and inflation. Inflation shouldn’t be 0 because some inflation is good, economic growth needs to be “realistic” at no more than 3%, and unemployment needs to be carefully managed with jobs bills and money printing.

When it comes to solar eclipses I of course agree fullheartedly. Nature should be managed in order to create a safe, cosy environment for animals. As much as I love nature, sometimes it can be mean, and it needs progressive health and safety laws.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

Now that Bannon is gone maybe Trump will see the light and become more progressive.
He needs to fix the very important issues like hate speech and white supremacy, Unemployed and homeless, Threats from Russia and North Korea and the horrific statues of slave owners from USA past.
I suggest he create some government Czar’s like Obama did. He could name Czar of Love to stop hate speech, Czar of Plenty to create programs for the needy, The Czar of Peace to resolve NKorea and Russia threats and lastly the Czar of Truth to suppress fake news and erase our horrible history.
While I have little hope of Trump actually doing this I know our next president will make this happen.

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

Didn’t the Bolsheviks kill the Russian Czars? Are we going back to the pre-bolshevik age with the Czars?

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

The government CAN’T AFFORD to ban solar eclipses, you big dummy! As John Bohener said many times, “we’re broke!”

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

We need more discussions before we write our laws. Will the ban be only for moon hiding the sun? What about the clouds, sun glasses, or an umbrella hiding the sun? The government should come up with comprehensive set of laws and regulations for hiding the sun, at least 10,000 pages long. Then they can open it up to the public for comments, for a day or two, and roll it out as law. A midnight pomp and show celebration for the new law, will be the icing on the cake.

A progressive government can never be broke!

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

The moon will hide the sun on Aug 21st, in response to Al Gore’s plea to reduce global warming. This year’s Nobel Peace Prize will once again go to Al Gore ( and the moon).
Why are we talking about banning the solar eclipse? Is this an alt-right site with an agenda?

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

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