Bionic Hand Girl Threatens to Dominate Major League Baseball

10
476
Hailey Dawson.


Seven-year-old Hailey Dawson loves baseball.  She loves stomping her cleats on home plate for yet another run.  She loves crushing the ball for yet another base hit.  But, most of all, she loves the strikeout.

For Hailey, the strikeout is an art form.  Sometimes she clips the corner of the plate.  Other times she blasts high fastballs past befuddled hitters.  Other times hitters just whiff on knee-buckling pitch movement and jaw-dropping speed.  Basically, she makes hitters look completely ridiculous.  Her secret?  Hailey has a bionic hand.

At birth, you see, doctors diagnosed Hailey with Poland Syndrome, a rare condition causing her right hand to have two fingers instead of five.  So two professors at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV), with help from six students, outfitted her with a bionic hand.  Little did they know that the gifted seven-year-old would use the bionic hand to turn hitters into complete fools.

So far Hailey has already pitched in Nationals Park in Washington, D.C. and Camden Yards in Baltimore, Maryland.  She hopes to throw opening pitches in all 30 Major League Baseball parks.  Multiple teams have already contacted the right-handed flamethrower to do so, including the St. Louis Cardinals, Detroit Tigers, New York Mets, Seattle Mariners, Milwaukee Brewers, and Pittsburgh Pirates.  According to rumors from well-placed sources, the Chicago White Sox (54-85) and Philadelphia Phillies (53-87) may add Hailey to their starting rotations on a more permanent basis.

Hailey sports a four-seam fastball, a deceptive changeup, and a soul-crushing 12-6 curveball.

Hailey apparently has no relation to Hall of Famer Andre Dawson. In any event, Andre, we suspect, doesn’t have the guts to face Hailey, who wore a shirt to Camden Yards saying, “ALL DAY, EVERY DAY”.

Hailey Dawson, the Accredited Times salutes you.

trav777

She’s white, so I condemn her unless she’s accusing a white man of sexual assault

Checks for NO Privilege
Checks for NO Privilege

Hey BLM, I went into a public restroom lately to take a leak. As a good gay man like myself does, I took a peek at the package of the person in my neighboring urinal. Guess what? It was a brave trans taking a leak through xis vagina. I was so proud of xim, and gave xim a pat on the back for bucking the system.

MillionDollarBonus

Xe is brave and courageous – a true trans hero.

MillionDollarBonus

We need to be careful hear, BLM, as I see parallels with the white supremacist South African Oscar Pistorius. She could turn out to be a murderer like him. You never know with white people.

Shitty
Shitty

She must denounce terminator robots. Otherwise she supports the supremacy of killer machines portrayed by latent white supremacist SchwarzeN-word

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

This poor girl had a legitimate handicap where technology helped.
But take today’s children, the hospitals and doctors want to give them hormonal treatment, additional vaccines (beyond the 40 in first 6 years), and other fixes, to enhance the “quality of life”. There is so much pressure on parents to “make the right decision” for the children.

Vladmir Putin
Vladmir Putin

One needs to track down the people behind Common Core, LBGTQ+ propaganda, Biometric ID surveillance, cashless, digital economy, HPV vaccines, etc. I’m sure the same players are behind all this, but use various NGOs as fronts, to create media propaganda, influence or threaten courts, and governments. Of course some governments are full of eunuchs, so no need to threaten anyone, the eunuchs will carefully implement the agenda.

wpDiscuz