Despite fluoridation of water, and the wide scale public consumption of statins and Ritalin, modern life is not always the joyful utopia that TV shows and Hollywood films often portray it to be. Until the revolution comes, life will mostly resemble a shit sandwich.
Unless you are a government employee or accredited journalist, life sucks: You wake up in a cramped apartment you ‘own’ (once the 500-year mortgage is paid off), shovel down some genetically engineered breakfast cereals, travel to your dull, cubicle-based job for some faceless corporation in an overcrowded train, before returning a few mind numbing hours later to whence you came, feeling exhausted, mildly depressed, and wondering where it all went wrong. Did you really get into $150k of debt studying critical race theory at Portland Community College just for THIS?
It’s never too late to turn your life around and find better pastures. But where? Well, you could try joining the Krishna Consciousness cult. In addition to world-class vegan cooking and wearing bright yellow clothes, you get to chant the words ‘Hare Krishna’ as often as you like while playing exotic musical instruments and walking the streets, looking for other people to join in the fun.
The Krishna Consciousness movement isn’t for everyone, unfortunately. Some former male devotees I knew became upset when their ‘guru’ hit on their womenfolk and were also left more in debt than even before. Their search for an alternative lifestyle continued elsewhere.
Perhaps the best alternative way of living is that followed by the GRT (Gypsy, Roma and Traveling) community. Much maligned and deeply oppressed, the GRT community is high up on the oppression pyramid, having suffered under the Nazis just like the Jews and other ‘undesirables’. Why exactly this peaceful, nomadic people is victimized is largely unknown. Some ignoramuses say the GRT people are lazy, thieving, lying, cheating, filthy, superstitious and incestuous, among other insulting adjectives. We know that these are lies, however, from the typical depiction of gypsies in films as tough, hard-drinking people who love their mothers, just like Brad Pitt in ‘Snatch’
No-one knows exactly from where the GRT folk originated. Some say India a thousand years ago, others believe their ancestral home was Central and Eastern Europe; a less likely opinion still is that they were the original Romans, related to Julius Caeser and this explains the ‘Roma’ designation.
What we do know is where they now live: usually in a charming caravan in an ‘illegal’ settlement at the bottom of your garden, on a roundabout, in a field on the edge of a village or perhaps in scrubland at the side of the highway. Even though they are routinely referred to as ‘travelers’, they actually do very little in the way of traveling. They are quite happy to stay exactly where they are, until narrow minded non-GRT bigots obtain a court order to evict them.
There is much to admire about the GRT lifestyle. Firstly, they have strong family and community values and stick together through thick and thin. Never a burden on outsiders, they obtain all that they need for nutrition, clothing and shelter from nature itself.
The GRT people would rather do without than ‘steal’ what is not theirs; for extra income, they sell bunches of wild heather, use their wisdom, tarot cards and powers of foresight to make predictions about non-GRT lives. It’s advisable not to cross a GRT person, as their curses carry special power.
The gypsy life is a simple one. But, if it’s your dream to live under the stars, sing ancient ballads, have over ten children by ten different girlfriends, live off the land and generally have an existence of total freedom, you could do much worse than become a non-travelling Roma traveler.