Paris, France (Accredited Times) – Conservatives today love to conjure up negative images of the French Revolution. They love to scare people about how it was supposedly so horrible when progressives started executing counter-revolutionaries. But the truth is that the French Revolution was an amazing success. Here are some of the amazing things that progressives in the French Revolution got right:
- Eliminating Political Enemies: Progressives did a great job in eliminating political enemies during the French Revolution. Not only did they kill off thousands of monarchists and conservatives in public executions, but they even executed regressive scientists, like Antoine Lavoisier, the so-called “Father of Modern Chemistry” who refused to follow the scientific consensus of the day. Upon receiving a death sentence, Lavoisier purportedly begged for his life only to have a progressive judge respond with something along the lines of: “La République n’a pas besoin de savants ni de chimistes; le cours de la justice ne peut être suspendu” — meaning: “The Republic has no need of scientists or chemists; the course of justice cannot be delayed.” That is 100% correct. We need community organizers — not scientists or chemists.
- Eliminating Progressives Who Aren’t Progressive Enough: In the French Revolution, progressives actively executed other progressives who failed to get with the progressive program. For example, Thomas Paine, a well-known American Revolutionary, was almost “eliminated” for being insufficiently progressive. Paine was supposed to have been executed, but narrowly escaped death when the jailer inadvertently marked an “X” on the inside of his cell door instead of the outside, so the execution squad failed to see it the next morning. Three days later, progressive hero Maximilien Robespierre was himself executed for being insufficiently progressive, so Paine walked free.
- Establishing a Communal Government in Paris: Modern communism traces its origins to the French Revolution. During the French Revolution, the Paris Commune set the leading example later followed by another Paris Commune established in 1871. Marx even wrote a book, entitled The Civil War in France, which devotes a chapter to the wonders of the Paris Commune and lauds the Commune for creating an exemplary communist government ruled by a Dictator of the Proletariat. The same ideas were later put into effect by other progressive governments, including those in Venezuela, Argentina, and the Soviet Union — with amazingly positive results.
- Installing a Dictator of the Proletariat: The French Revolution saw the active implementation Marx’s idea of a Dictator of the Proletariat on a national scale. After counter-revolutionary turmoil exploded, progressives rallied around a dictator, Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon was an amazing leader. Napoleon brought the Napoleonic Code to France, including a civil law system in which expert progressive judges get to make determinations on everything instead of citizen juries. He also conscripted hundreds of thousands of citizens to work for the glory of the State.
- Establishing A Fair, Objective, and Accredited Media: The French Revolution opened the eyes of many progressives as to how an objective media could persuade the people en masse. Today, we have accredited journalists like Brian Stelter, Anderson Cooper, and Don Lemon; in the French Revolution, progressives had accredited journalists like Jean-Paul Marat, Jacques Hébert, and Camille Desmoulins. Just as Chris Matthews’ leg tingled in ecstasy when Barack Hussein Obama became President, Marat’s whole body shook when French progressives launched La Révolution, forcing counter-revolutionaries to “flee” and “put on a mask” to hide themselves from the wrath of progress. Four years later, a proto-feminist, Charlotte Corday, assassinated Marat because he wasn’t progressive enough. At her trial, Corday noted, “I knew that he Marat was perverting France; I have killed one man to save a hundred thousand.” Corday herself was then executed. However, Marat had it coming because he should have supported womyn’s rights more forcefully.
- De-Christianizing France: The French Revolution also led the way in showing how to de-Christianize a country. Progressive journalist Jacques Hébert wanted Christianity eliminated entirely, railing against the “the f*cking priests and all they f*cking wanted us to believe.” In contrast, another progressive journalist, Camille Desmoulins, disagreed and wanted to keep Christianity in at least some form. Ultimately, the French government decided to compromise by seizing religious buildings, including the Notre-Dame de Paris Cathedral, and converting them to “Temples of Reason.” Since Hébert had proven himself not to be progressive enough, progressives guillotined him on March 24, 1794. Progressives also decreed Desmoulins not to be progressive enough as well, so they guillotined him on April 5, 1794.
- Starting Wars of Liberation: Like modern progressives, French revolutionaries believed in internationalism and global governance. They also recognized that White Males were to blame for the lack of progress. As a result, the French Republic repeatedly declared wars on political enemies, including basically every other European country. Unfortunately, like modern progressives, they turned out not to be quite as good at actually fighting, so they lost.
It’s good to see modern progressives follow in the footsteps of their French forbears. We can only hope that modern progressives are as successful in their endeavors as the French revolutionaries were.