It’s been a long time since America had an exciting federal engineering project. NASA has been awfully quiet for the last two decades as they’ve worked on training their new diversity hires, the drums of war are beating ever more quietly as Trump continues to appease Russia, and airports no longer inspire the sense of wonder that can command large budgets. But there is one thing that might just bring about the awe-inspiring buzz of the industrial revolution and set America’s economy afire once again. I am of course, talking about a high speed interstate monorail.
As many of you may know, California has been working on its own state of the art monorail, which despite being years behind schedule and millions of dollars over budget, has nonetheless generated significant economic growth for the state. An interstate monorail would likely replicate this success on a much greater scale, employing people from all professions to work on this exciting new American project. Workers will be proud to say that they are building the future of American transport and are helping to connect the once divided but soon to be united states of America. The monorail could not only be interstate, but also international, linking America to its cousins in Latin America and helping to unite the continent as a whole. Americans will be able to traverse our beautiful continent with ease, making business easier and allowing us to view our incredible natural landscapes from a deck chair with a glass of champagne in hand.
The monorail project will put America on the map once again, generating economic growth through government spending, employment, more efficient travel and tourism from all over the world. Accredited, politically-connected construction and engineering contractors are salivating at the prospect of such a momentous project, which I anticipate could go on for many decades. The monorail will take long, winding scenic routes through the countryside, over mountains and across lakes, rivers and canyons to maximize its length and the corresponding economic benefit. With the generous no-bid contracts awarded to these contractors, they will be able to collectively employ millions of people. The government will also set up TSA checkpoints all along the monorail, and will employ many minorities to operate these, just as they have in other government departments. The budget will be paid for over a mere 50 years, subject to many extensions and changes, starting at $5 billion a year and steadily decreasing thereafter.
Critics will accuse us of passing on the responsibility of completion to future administrations, and that far better forms of transport will exist then, but these people are un-American and will never see our vision, no matter how much we attempt to inspire them. The monorail will rebuild America and will be the envy of the world. Children will skip merrily past it in Virginia, while businessmen board it in New York with Accredited Times newspapers in hand. It will glide over crystal lakes in Montana, wind through the canyons of Arizona and whistle past sanctuary cities in California. It will be the envy of the world, and unite our great country once again. So in the spirit of the industrial revolution, powered by hardworking slaves and geniuses like Lewis Latimer, lets make this dream a reality.