London, England – (Accredited Times) In a groundbreaking judgement, Jersey magistrates court ruled today that, whilst a womyn’s vagina was outside their jurisdiction for reasons of consent, they were competent to rule on matters pertaining to her breasts.
A medical graduate was today put on a sex offenders list due to his unaccredited actions during consensual sex. As reported in the Daily Telegraph:
“Philip Queree, 37, was taken to court for repeatedly grabbing the woman’s breasts hard and pulling her hair while the couple had intercourse.
Despite consenting to having sex with Queree, the victim told him she did not want her breasts touched and accused him of using “excessive force”.
Queree has now been placed on the Sex Offenders’ Register for five years – ruining his dream of becoming a doctor, according to his barrister.”
It’s a story which we all recognise. The couple had met over the Tinder app, had exchanged messages over a two-week period and agreed to meet up for the purposes of mutual sexual gratification. The preliminaries (foreplay) proceeded according to plan but, on penetration, the defendant’s actions violated the memorandum of understanding.
Specifically, as the Telegraph reports, “Irrespective of [the claimant’s] consent to other sexual conduct, I am sure that the touching [of the breasts] was in circumstances of indecency and thus Queree is guilty of indecent assault. Queree has now been placed on the Sex Offenders’ Register for five years – ruining his dream of becoming a doctor, according to his barrister.”
Indecent assault is putting it mildly. The defendant deserves to rot in jail forever, for not restricting himself to the consented ‘other sexual conduct’. Why he went anywhere near her breasts during sex is a mystery, and has led to his downfall and personal ruin.
Ignoring for illustration only the clear wrongs in this tragic episode, it seems to us that there is a potential business in creating detailed biological consent forms. We imagine this could be tremendously helpful for people who, in the throes of passion, wish to know what is or is not permitted. We imagine a series of tick boxes covering all limbs/ parts of the body (breasts, ankles, legs, triceps, vagina, ears) which each party to the encounter could select on an ongoing basis during the spontaneous activity. Each person’s choices could be recorded dynamically so that there is no misunderstanding at any step of the way.
All of this is naturally premised by the understanding that the womyn is free to allege rape at any stage before or after the encounter irrespective of what may or may not have been consented to.