Cultural Appropriation Battle: Lin’s Dreads vs. Martin’s Tattoos

Jeremy Lin (left) and Kenyon Martin (right).

Brooklyn, New York (Accredited Times) – The Internet exploded earlier today as progressives battled over perhaps the most important cultural appropriation debate ever to rock the National Basketball Association (NBA) since Dennis Rodman wore a white wedding dress.  On one side:  Jeremy Lin, an Asian-American point guard on the Brooklyn Nets who was caught wearing dreadlocks, a traditionally African-American hairstyle.  On the other side:  Kenyon Martin, an African-American power forward who sports Chinese characters on his well-tatted arms.

Martin started the battle by accusing Lin of cultural appropriation when he learned that Lin had started wearing dreads from a Lin essay.  Lin fought back by countering that Martin had culturally appropriated as well by tatting up with Chinese characters.  So who wins?

Accredited Times Verdict:  Martin is undoubtedly the winner.  As Martin pointed out, “Come on man, somebody need to tell him, like, ‘Alright bro, we get it.  You wanna be black.’  Like, we get it.  But the last name is Lin.”

Indeed, there is no question that Lin culturally appropriated a traditionally African-American hairstyle.  Although technically neither Africans nor African-Americans originated dreadlocks, wearing dreadlocks is beyond question as offensive to African-Americans as wearing blackface, eating Aunt Jemima syrup, or buying products from African-American-owned companies.  African-Americans are to be listened to, stared at, and applauded for our diversity; we are not to be copied, mimicked, or otherwise appropriated from in any way.  Dreadlocks often trigger African-Americans, as illustrated in the video below:

Moreover, Martin wins the argument easily because he places vastly higher on the Oppression Pyramid.  Martin scores a solid 170 on the Oppression Pyramid.  In contrast, Lin scores a negative 380, meaning that Lin is in fact privileged, like many Asian-Americans.  Simply put, Martin is the victim here, so Lin owes reparations.  In addition, given that the Brooklyn Nets currently employ Lin, the Nets are undoubtedly responsible for Lin’s reprehensible conduct.  Failure to pay reparations will result in protests, boycotts, kneelings, and other adverse consequences.

We DEMAND that Jeremy Lin cease and desist from any further cultural appropriation and that Lin and the Brooklyn Nets pay reparations IMMEDIATELY.  Reparations should consist of culturally sensitive food, such as Aunt Jemima syrup and pancakes, Uncle Ben’s rice, and/or other appropriate African-American delicacies.  Lin should refrain from providing General Tso’s Chicken, Beef with Broccoli, or any other non-African-American food as Martin could not eat any such food given the risk of cultural appropriation.  Cash, check, and credit cards are also acceptable — just not gold because it too cannot be eaten.

Cultural appropriation is a serious problem.  Lin needs to apologize for his atrocious behavior and pay reparations NOW.

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25 Comments on "Cultural Appropriation Battle: Lin’s Dreads vs. Martin’s Tattoos"

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Stick Your Proof In My Pudding
Stick Your Proof In My Pudding

Thank Muhammed we have the Oppression Pyramid to settle these disputes. It would be clear cut if Lin were white, but Asian privilege needs to be checked too. Manzanar wasn’t real, and if it were, it still wouldn’t hold a candle to black oppression.


This is a huge issue and why we desperately need CRT administrators to arbitrate these things and get the privileged people to check their privilege forthwith.

Jeremy Lin is OBVIOUSLY privileged being in the NBA where he doesn’t have to deal with any negative stereotypes or any general presumption that he cannot play. Because that is what privilege IS after all, the assumption in your favor in every single circumstance, just because. And in the NBA, who could be more privileged than whites and asians? Every single coach will be falling over themselves to give them a position and nobody will ever assume they cannot play ball well because of their privilege which extends to all facets of life and is automatically attached to them due to skin color which doesn’t actually exist in any biological or scientific sense.

White players can enter any basketball court in the country and exercise their privilege and get onto teams without even having to make a shot. All because of whiteness. As we know this white privilege follows them everywhere, and police especially fall all over themselves to help and serve and protect white people each and every time white people look their way. No white people are ever shot by the police for any reason.

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

Hey boys, the real Missy is back again!

I can turn the color on anytime I want with a flutter of my eyelashes, strictly to help you meet your diversity quotas!

You Americans boys love to talk sport but to judge by current debate, the Oppression Pyramid is getting on top of you all.

Wanna vacation with my sister on the M&M estate?


Well it’s great to have a trans-racial womyn among our ranks too Missy. You’re helping us meet our diversity quota either way, for which we get a massive tax break. Thank you!

Missy Bo Pepys
Missy Bo Pepys

It’s all about the money!


Oh no he di’int!! It’s ON NOW! What the fuck you gonna say Lin?? Hahahah. What you got? What you got?? You ain’t got shit. Ya’lls wanna be black but you ain’t. DEAL with it, yo! HahAAA!

Excuse my attempt at ebonics, I realize that’s cultural appropriation on my part, but as a prominent accredited journalist I think I can give myself a temporary exemption.

I’m sure the alt right will claim that blacks are culturally appropriating whites by wearing modern textiles, using electricity, driving cars and living in two story buildings with indoor plumbing. But that’s racist yo.


whites don’t have a culture. Only everybody else does. Because we are all the same and race doesn’t really exist.


They both little libs. F ’em.