PARIS, FRANCE (ACCREDITED TIMES) – All is not well in the Gallic ‘Hexagon’. At best, the French economy has been in stagnation for decades now; at worst, it is in constant decline. This state of affairs exists despite the public sector accounting for the bulk of the French economy and its workforce working a full 35 hours a week. The country’s unemployment rate has remained stubbornly around 10% for about as long as all-butter croissants have graced the French breakfast table.
The election of beta-male Emmanuel Macron was supposed to have changed all this. France’s charismatic new president was voted-in following a bold campaign to get the country ‘en-marche‘ again. Alas, Macron’s exciting initiatives have been strangled at birth. Normally, we would support all manner of terminations pre and post birth, but here the abortion has been done at the behest of privileged white males in the form of the Académie Française (eng: French Academy).
Unlike the progressive teens-TV show, Dance Academy, which features mostly gay adolescent dancers, the French Academy features forty white men who act as the ‘official authority on the French language’. The French Academy was originally founded around four centuries ago by one Cardinal Richelieu, the Chief Minister to ‘Sun-King’ Louis XIII (or Louis X the Third Jr in modern English). Known as the immortels, the French Academy has for long been criticised due to very few womyn ever being admitted to its ranks.
Why is any of this relevant to the French economic nightmare? Well, one of Macron’s key priorities was to make the French language gender-inclusive, which obviously would have provided an immediate boost to the economy. Unlike English, which recently bravely came out as a non-binary language, French nouns are either male or feminine.
That’s right, just two genders. Male or Feminine. Germany is almost as bad in this respect, but it at least has a good number of nouns which are gender neutral. Ideally, all languages would have either the 72 genders suggested by Facebook or, better yet, be non-binary. To have just male or feminine nouns is essentially the patriarchy raping French womyn and non-binaries with hateful words.
But, it gets worse. Imagine a room full of French friends who are all men. They would be referred to as les amis. If all the friends in the room were instead womyn, we would add an ‘e’ and call them les amies. Now, imagine that just one male friend entered the room full of thousands of womyn. Immediately, male privilege asserts itself like a violent phallus and we are forced to refer to this ‘mixed’ group by reverting to the male ‘les amis’.
Macron planned to change all this and boost the French economy as a result. One of Macron’s key ideas was to avoid the blatant sexism inherent in the ‘amis‘ example above, when denoting a mixed group of female, non-binary, and male friends. Macron quite reasonably suggested additional punctuation so that we would refer to ‘ami.e.s’ rather than ‘amis’ when referring to two or more genders. He and his government have been communicating in this progressive way since his election.
Unfortunately for the ranks of France’s unemployed, the French Academy has protested in no uncertain terms that such communications are ‘gibberish’, pose a ‘mortal danger’ and are ‘clumsy to read and write.’
“New gender-inclusive spellings pose a “mortal danger” to the purity of French, according to France’s four-century-old language police, the Académie Française.
The august body of luminaries has infuriated feminists by condemning the politically correct, gender-neutral version of French now being adopted by President Emmanuel Macron’s government, the civil service and academics.
Gender inclusivity “leads to a fragmented language, disparate in its expression, creating confusion that borders on being unreadable… Faced with this ‘inclusive’ aberration, the French language is in mortal danger, for which our nation is accountable to future generations”, said the Académie, in a unanimous declaration.”
Essentially 40 privileged white-men have declared war on womyn and transgendered people across the French landscape. They are, however, on the wrong side of history. We say, sorry my ami.e.s, but get on board or get out of the way.