In the age of Donald Trump, progressives face some of the greatest challenges ever faced by the left. The alt right are rejecting our code of civil discourse, known as political correctness, and wearing their racism and sexism like a badge of honor. Fake news peddlers are filling the internet with deceptive misinformation and lies that support right wing positions. And our openly bigoted so-called president is uttering gaff after gaff and tearing this once beautiful diverse country apart. But perhaps the most pressing issue facing the left of all is the growing number of satirical writers infiltrating our ranks and seeking to undermine our image and credibility. These writers have edged their way into almost every major online news publication, and people are not even aware of it. Their articles may at first appear reasonable, but to the trained eye, there is always a tell – a sign that they don’t really mean what they say. They may appear to hold the same beliefs as us, but the way they write about our positions is deliberately ridiculous and intended to make us look foolish.
Two weeks ago, we unveiled that Michael Harriot of the Root, was likely a secret KKK collaborator according to anonymous sources, and shockingly he admitted it shortly after we posted the article. Michael Harriot has been posting articles at the largest black news site on the web under the guise of being a black activist, when really he is an apologist for white racists. The shocking thing is, even after admitting his true identity, his readers still think he was joking, and still read his articles daily. He is purposefully undermining the civil rights movement, has admitted so, and yet is still deceiving thousands of readers by inserting silly arguments and ridiculous statements into his articles!
Another example is Everyday Feminism. As one of the most respected names in feminist news, the site has naturally been a target for alt right infiltrators. Many of the articles appear completely sane and reasonable, such as an article about transgender birth control, and what it means to be asexual. But every now and then, they post something completely out of this universe that makes you question the writer’s seriousness, such as this article on how gendered nouns in languages like French and German, might be offensive to gender queer people. Sure, they have a serious point there, but did the title have to describe the topic so bluntly? They must know that many people who have been indoctrinated with cisnormativity will be shocked by these ideas, and need to be gradually inducted into progressivism. But the writer says it in a way that is sure to scare people away.
And then we have the Daily Kos, which is notorious for their questionable alliance with progressives. A while ago, the Daily Kos harassed our accredited writer, Black Lives Matter, for using the phrase “Black Lives Matter”, a phrase that as a black man he is of course entitled to use. This is a clear example of racism, and a scary indication that one of the largest progressive news sites on the internet might in fact be satirical. They also post articles like this, which refer to “evidence” of Russia collusion, without actually stating what the evidence is, such as statements by anonymous sources, meetings with Russian officials or visits to Russia. The author makes it sound like there isn’t actually any evidence for the collusion at all.
Satirical imitation of progressives is a serious problem. Not only are these writers undermining our movement and making us look like fools – they are also having fun while doing it, and the last thing we need is for conservatives to be having fun. Conservatives need to apologize and grovel to us for their horribly bigoted beliefs. This is a travesty and it must end now! Satire needs to be banned. It normalizes bigoted beliefs and encourages people to laugh at progressives and see them as freaks and clowns, when really we’re morally righteous, super smart and important! Nobody should be allowed to mock us! These terrorists will be stopped, and we don’t give a damn if they think they’re exercising their “free speech”. Subversive speech is hate speech, and hate speech cannot coexist with free speech. Our movement will be purged of these traitors, mark my words.