Another month, and yet another amazing new iGadget hits the market, as always with a mountain of mouth-watering new features. Like all of the iPhones before it, the iPhone X is no ordinary iPhone. It is an item straight out of a time warp stretching thousands of years into the future, boasting an astounding array of space age features. Scientists and engineers of color across the globe are blown away by the sheer ingenuity of this futuristic smart device, and low testosterone progressive Apple fanboys have been clambering over each other to buy it.
The following is a list of the iPhone X’s incredible new features:
- An absolutely mind-blowing new look and feel, with a stylish reinforced glass exterior, and a surgical grade state of the art steel frame.
- A slightly larger screen, that takes up a couple of millimeters more of the front of the phone, making it practically all screen. Yes, you heard that right – all screen, the iPhone X is literally all screen.
- A significantly longer side button, with a couple of new functions.
- A better quality screen and camera, in case you couldn’t discern the finer details of videos and images on your older, lame iPhone.
- Facial recognition, with machine learning that knows you better than you know yourself, allowing intelligent software to recognize you wherever you may be, should Apple’s findings be accidentally leaked or used by our seventeen intelligence agencies.
- Much stronger EMF output, with wireless charging, Bluetooth 5.0 and soon 5G, that helps cause inflammation in the body by activating calcium channels, which reinvigorates your cells, like skin peeling in a spa.
- Animoji’s that allow you to convert your facial expression into a cute animal emoji, using the new depth-sensing camera. This is a great feature for anyone who is trans-species curious, and is very popular with young womyn as those of your who have swiped tinder will know.
In summary, you’d have to be mad not to buy the iPhone X. And at the reasonable price of just $1000 or more, you’re not exactly breaking the bank to get your hands on these indispensable new features. Buying an iPhone X is an investment in yourself and your future. Having the latest iPhone proves that you are smart, and you can show off all of its new features to your jealous friends who can’t afford it. You can look forward to whipping it out in front of envious bystanders in the shopping mall or at the coffee shop, as people point and marvel at your intelligence and foresight for buying such an amazing gadget. So if you want to be part of the Apple club, you better get your hands on this latest iGadget, because if you don’t, then nobody is going to respect or envy you. You need this phone. Just buy it now, trust me.