Washington, D.C. (Accredited Times) – As progressives, we support redistribution in the name of equality. Redistribution of income. Redistribution of jobs. Redistribution of college admissions slots. Redistribution is good. Equality is good.
But a serious issue has become increasingly apparent in recent years: the need to redistribute attractiveness.
Ugliness has caused substantial damage to millions of vulnerable Americans, especially progressives. Surprisingly, it turns out that many left-leaning individuals are hideously ugly. Ugliness hurts progressives especially because corporations tend to discriminate against progressives who graduated with degrees in important fields, like Critical Race Theory and Queer Studies. In contrast, attractive individuals tend to flock to small government ideologies, which favor those who can acquire employment more easily.
Accredited studies show that attractive individuals have significantly better success in the job market. According to a Princeton University study, womyn described as “hot,” “hotter,” “attractive,” “gorgeous,” or “beautiful” were substantially more likely to acquire prominent professorship jobs than the average applicant. Various other studies likewise show that attractive people do better economically and socially.
Simply put, this inequality must not continue any longer. Following standard progressive thinking, it would be pointless trying to lift up the uglies of the world by making them more attractive. Fat shaming must be avoided at all costs. No, it’s clear that attractive people need to be punished and brought down to the level of the uglies. Attractive people have flaunted their privilege for years; now they need to pay. Thin womyn should be required to gorge themselves on Ding Dongs and Ho Hos daily, and people with symmetrical faces should be beaten up and have their teeth knocked out by roves of ugly teens. Attractive people need to be ridiculed and made equal to everyone else.
We progressives hate inequality and love redistribution. We have hated “the rich” for decades. Now it’s time for us to hate “the attractive” with equal intensity. We need to redistribute attractiveness NOW.