Venezuela – land of equal opportunity and pristine natural beauty. A land where dreams come true and anything is possible, Venezuela is one of the world’s premier recreational and educational holiday destinations. Where else can you sip a tequila and watch a tropical sunset, while experiencing first hand what it is like living in a socialist paradise? Many of you may be under the misconception that Venezuela is a dangerous and poverty-stricken nation, but anyone who has actually experienced it first hand will tell you that this is far from the truth. But I didn’t want to just take peoples’ word for it, so I packed my bags, bought a ticket to Caracas, and headed off to experience it first hand.
As I stepped off the airplane at Caracas airport, I was welcomed by a group of vibrant Venezuelan kids who were eager to help with my bags. I politely declined their generous offer though because I didn’t think it was right for a former white male to burden these young people of color with my luggage. As I dragged my luggage to the arrivals terminal, I was met with stern looks from many of the staff, who were no doubt rightfully wondering what a white male was doing in their country and how I was planning to exploit them. But I didn’t let it dampen my mood, and proceeded to flag down a taxi, who charged a very reasonable fee of 3000 Bolivars for the 10 mile journey to my hotel. The taxi ride gave me my first opportunity to see first hand whether the horror stories I’d heard about Venezuela were true or not, and immediately my fears were put to rest, as I saw people solemnly waiting in long lines in order to receive their daily rations. “How progressive!”, I thought, as I smiled. If only America provided free food and necessities like Venezuela does – it’d be so much better.
As I arrived at my hotel, I was escorted to the reception by a team of security guards, who seemed on edge for some reason. After checking in, I opened my curtains to a simply breathtaking view of Caracas. From a bird’s eye perspective, it was difficult to tell Venezuela apart from a typical city in America. High rise buildings, parks, and beautiful 19th century architecture (no doubt build after the conquistadors granted Venezuela independence) gave the city the atmosphere of a peaceful Spanish seaside town, combined with the hustle and bustle of a modern diverse city.
After taking a well-deserve nap, I put on my swimming trunks, slipped 20,000 Bolivars into my pocket, and headed off to the beach. During the taxi ride, I noticed a couple of angry-looking protesters battling with riot police, which I guess is something you see in every country, no matter how progressive.
I sighed to myself, as we left the city and headed for the seaside – I guess some things never change.
The beach was a different kind of place altogether, and I was far from the only tourist. White people, rich people from other parts of South America, and even a few Asians were frolicking in the water, laughing and relaxing with tequilas on deck chairs, as friendly Venezuelans tentatively catered to their every need. Heavily armed security guards surrounded the beach enclosure and made us feel very safe and secure. I met a gay couple from Spain there, and we hit it off immediately, and I learned about all the amazing gay and trans hot spots throughout South America. We drank so many tequilas and soy pina coladas I couldn’t count, and we partied all night long to salsa music while beautiful coconut-laced, scantily-clad Venezuelan ladies served us drinks.
All in all, I can’t say that I experienced the horror and chaos that right-wingers are always going on about. My holiday was fab, and I can’t recommend a Venezuelan vacation highly enough. If you’re worried about the crime, then maybe it’s you who is at fault. You shouldn’t judge people for being potential criminals. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and if they do actually assault or rob you, then you can judge. But letting fear of crime stop you from enjoying a Venezuelan vacation is racist and ignorant.
Venezuelan Vacation Testimonials
Bernie Sanders: “These days, the American dream is more apt to be realized in South America, in places such as Ecuador, Venezuela and Argentina, where incomes are actually more equal today than they are in the land of Horatio Alger. I highly recommend Venezuela as both a holiday destination and as a place to live permanently.”
Jeremy Corbyn: “Thanks Hugo Chavez for showing that the poor matter and wealth can be shared. He made massive contributions to Venezuela & a very wide world. Venezuela is an excellent choice for a vacation.”
Michael Moore: “Hugo Chavez declared the oil belonged 2 the ppl. He used the oil $ 2 eliminate 75% of extreme poverty, provide free health & education 4 all. I’ve been vacationing in Venezuela for years, and still am to this day, despite all the nonsense circulating about how much it has degenerated.”
Joseph Stieglitz (Economic Nobel Laureate): “Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez appears to have had success in bringing health and education to the people in the poor neighborhoods of Caracas. Venezuela is always at the top of my list when I’m planning a vacation.”
Jesse Jackson: “Hugo fed the hungry. He lifted the poor. He raised their hopes. He helped them realize their dreams. And, so, today we do mourn, because we’ve lost a lot. But we have a lot left – a stable government, an orderly transition. There’s no better place that I’d rather be than Venezuela.”