The Accredited Times Hacked by the Russians … Again!

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As many of you may have noticed, the AT was defaced yesterday afternoon with an image of a snake and a sinister Slavic name, causing chaos at the AT offices. This came in the middle of my early Kwanza preparations, which was highly distressful and forced me to return to the office from my shopping trip for traditional Kwanza tree decorations such as mini pyramids and sphinx’s, and Malt Liquor to pour out in honor of this year’s innocent victims of police brutality. I was abruptly woken by a desperate emails from our readers that the AT had been hacked by the Russians, and I looked with horror as the AT loaded on my iPhone X with a picture of a snake glaring at me sneeringly instead of our beautiful front page.

I immediately called our chief engineer of color, LaDarious, and explained the problem politely, but he had already left the office and wasn’t prepared to come back in to fix it. He threatened me with a racism lawsuit for asking him to come in so late in the afternoon, but I made him a generous overtime pay offer, and eventually he grudgingly agreed to come in to resolve the issue.

The Accredited Times’ employee of the month, LaDarious, was gracious enough to come back into the office and get paid overtime to get the site up and running, after his work day had already ended at 3:00pm. Let’s all give LaDarious a round of applause.

If it hadn’t been for LaDarious, the AT may have gone offline forever. I’m still in shock after this terrible hack, and am living in constant fear of the Russian mafia and Trump’s fascist government. Please be vigilant, AT staff – none of us are safe.

Abu
Abu

Great job LaDarious, you have done well.

#accredited-times-pick

Black Lives Matter

Abu, when you become Guinea’s President, I’d highly recommend that you consider LaDarious for Technology Minister. He really knows technology and even has a degree from DeVry.

Abu
Abu

That is very true BLM. From what I can see he did for AT, he must be very good at technology.

trav777

He doesn’t need to know technology, racist- he brings diversity. Expecting knowledge or skills is oppressive and white supremacy.

Pbier

This is a shocking development and one I’m slightly ashamed to say I was oblivious to. In the light of recent sports articles, I had been approached by some feminist athletes and was conducting all-day interviews from the comfort of our sound-proof offices. Glad to know that LaDarious managed to sort out whatever the issue was.

Must dash…have more interviewees to see.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

Pbier, The sacrifices you make are admirable. Please be careful out there, Too many journalist have given their lives as a result of their investigations.

Black Lives Matter

Bring back net neutrality!!! IMPEACH TRUMP!!1!11!!!!!1!!!

TedCruz
TedCruz

Go sit on Texas cacti, fella.

Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness
Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness

cacti are a sub par substitute for a barbed wire enema

although they do leave a lot of reminders behind.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

Paki network admins. Do they launder money in their spare time? Have you bought any used cars from them? Just tryin’ to help!

Black Lives Matter

What do you mean by “Paki”? Are you seriously suggesting that Pakistanis would have tried to censor this website??? Trump censors media, not Pakistani Muslims. Just because Muslim-related articles, like “Muhammad was Black,” were also blocked specifically doesn’t mean it was Muslims. Trump and Putin are clearly to blame.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

check his birth cert.

Pbier

LaDarious deserves especially recognition. As a father to ten (several mothers), feeding his families is no easy matter. When his day is over at the Accredited Times, he rushes over to Turner Construction Company to begin his SECOND job of the day as their community and citizenship director. Needless to say, he is Turner’s employee of the month also!

http://kcur.org/post/stories-science-gone-wrong-black-engineers-kcmo-and-opposition-800-million-bond-plan#stream/0

Black Lives Matter

This is why we need a $150 per hour minimum wage. No one should be required to work more than 10 hours a week to put food on the table and to buy diapers for Sandra Bullock’s future children.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

I did not notice that the site was down as I have been busy here in our city working with other like minded liberals. We are preparing the temporary mortuary’s to handle all of the casualties we expect to come flowing in from the Net Neutrality and now this homicidal tax plan that is going to kill us all.

I was going to update my will but realized there will be no one left to leave it to.
I have buried some mementos in hope that some future civilization will be able to discover it and prevent a like extermination of their species like the one Donald Trump has inflected upon ours.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

Climate change causes beavers to have an out of this world procreation party and become carnivorous. My advice? Self immolate.

Bureaucrat
Bureaucrat

Life is bad, MMVC. I am about to get screwed by a 5% federal tax cut.

Make my votes count
Make my votes count

It is absolute Heist. Probably the greatest transfer of wealth from the government back to the American people ever. People have literally died since this bill was written.
I for one will not stand for It.

Stick Your Proof In My Pudding
Stick Your Proof In My Pudding

I am grateful for LaDarious, but his workday doesn’t end until 3pm?? That is plantation mentality. Does he even get a chance to have a nice dinner with his husband?

Abu
Abu

A real good staff will always sacrifice his time for his job no matter what time it is when it comes to emergency like this.

TedCruz
TedCruz

I’ve spoken to Jeff Sessions on your behalf. FBI agents are on the way to retrieve all physical evidence including servers and peripheral devices such as routers and iPhones.

mul
mul

Admit it

You paid your ISP late, not having any money in the bank, and the welfare check all going to pain pills.

wpDiscuz