Afternoon folks. I just wanted to run a few paragraphs from my up and coming autobiography set to be released sometime later this year. All prominent progressives have autobiographies now, from Obama to Hillary to Oprah, because we’re interesting and inspiring people, and people want to read about us. So I though it fitting that I should have my own autobiography, telling the story of how I became one of the most well-known progressives on the internet and the chief editor of the fastest growing accredited news site on the web. I’ve titled it “A Virtuous Life – A story of Courage, Integrity and Bravery”, as I feel that these are the qualities that describe me best and sum up why people would want to read a book about me.
Chapter 1 – The Birth of a Legend
I was born in Connecticut into what you might call an upper middle class family. My father, a successful patent lawyer, was away most of the time. However, once every year he would take the family on vacation and would teach me all about the virtues of the state. My mother was a prominent feminist and author for vanity fair. She taught me what it means to be politically correct and to respect the feelings of those most disadvantaged among us such as women and minorities. Mother also taught me to respect the poor and to defend the virtue of the welfare state from what can only be described as right wing sadism. Since both my parents were Ivy League educated, I developed a deep respect for academic achievement and scholarly excellence.
Chapter 2 – A Child Prodigy
At the age of six, I was sent to a prestigious boarding school in Connecticut. From the very beginning, I knew I was a gifted child. I excelled in politics, modern history and Latin, and by the end of my first year I was awarded the headmaster’s award for best overall student. My school years had a fundamental influence on my attitudes toward academia and my appreciation for academic credentials.
Chapter 3 – The Rebellious Days
My college years were when things stated to go wrong. After a rigorous education in politics and the classics, I was accepted into Dartmouth to perfect and build on what I had learned. The excitement in the air at Dartmouth was overwhelming. Beautiful liberal women paraded the campus, and the students carried themselves with an air of importance and status. One night, immersed in the euphoria of a college party, I found myself sharing a range of drugs with a ragged group of hippy students. This became a frequent pastime, and by my third year of college I was on a combination of marijuana, cocaine and heroin. I’m not proud of those days. Today however, I am fully reformed. I now fully support the ban on dangerous drugs and I would introduce even harsher penalties on those who choose to make these destructive choices.
(To be continued)