Some Ideas for an Awesome LGBTQQICAPF2K+ Valentines Day

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Good morning, and happy valentines day to all our members of the LGBTQQICAPF2K+ community. Whether you’re a solitary asexual, a sologamous two-spirit, a wild pansexual or a lonely brony, we wish you a very romantic and special day. Some say that Valentines day is racist, because it’s has white origins, and I respect those people, but it’s also just a commercial celebration when many choose to enjoy a raw vegan sushi and a strawberry craft beer with their same-sex or trans partner, and top it off with some vegan chocolates while they roar with laughter at SNL’s Trump imitations. If any of you happen to be in New Zealand, I strongly suggest you pop into Rich’s new vegan restaurant where they serve the most divine salted raw broccoli sticks you’ve ever tasted. They’re offering a valentines special today with a kale platter for two for half the usual price, and all you can drink kombucha on tap for $5. There are a myriad of ways to celebrate this very special day, but here are some to get you started, depending on your sexual identity:

Gay

If you’re a gay couple, why not take a stroll on the beach holding hands, talk about fashion and design, and grab a tofu steak with a glass of wine before heading to a night club.

Lesbian

Why not watch a game of football and kneel to the national anthem with a pack of craft beers and some vegan chips. Later you can head down to your local tattoo parlor and get a new symbol of your love for each other ingrained into any bare skin you still have, and grab a few new piercings.

Asexual

Whether you have a partner or not, this is likely to be a depressing day. Just flip on some netflix and forget about all of the fun and romance everyone else is enjoying.

Minor Attracted

How about a relaxed day sitting on a park bench, followed by a cruise down to your local schoolyard in your ice cream van. I know, this isn’t the valentines day you wanted – but progressives are working hard to make your sexual orientation acceptable in society.

Pansexual

Sit on top of a mountain and meditate, becoming one with every happy valentine and letting their energy flow through you and light you up. Experience every happy moment throughout the world all at once, and then enjoy the rest of the day on your yacht with your one hundred partners who could make it that day.

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17 Comments on "Some Ideas for an Awesome LGBTQQICAPF2K+ Valentines Day"

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Black Lives Matter

I support the LGBTQ+ community, but Valentine’s Day is a Christian holiday.

Allah forbids it.

hungrypirana
hungrypirana

With that attitude, you must spend most the time in dog-house. Heathen.

Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness
Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness

get some camel urine and sulk in the corner.

TedCruz
TedCruz

LGBTQQICAPF2K (whatever!) love their governments. Don’t they have any romantic government-centric commemorations?

Jerry Spinger Spaniel
Jerry Spinger Spaniel

As a Trans-Speciesist I plan to bring a nice fresh azalea bush to my Madagascar Tree Marmot for Valentines Day. Even though it’s a white, christian, hetero normative holiday he (Timmy) still deserves a treat.

Abu
Abu

When music play war song, we dance war dance. And when music play peaceful song, we dance peaceful dance. I bought my wife and kids valentine card and gifts, took her to the salon and do her hair and nails, and after that we take our kids to play and have dinner in one of the best restaurant in town.
Happy Valentines to all.

Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness
Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness

Finally a sane comment.

Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness
Mules! Proof of Allahs Kindness

Sharing a nice big juicy steak in the privacy of your own home, where no members of the “strange sex” community can mock you, is a great way to get together and form illicit bonds.

#speciesist

cervera
cervera

Pedofhiles should be shot in their balls, you fucking kinks.

#pedophobic

Stick Your Proof In My Pudding
Stick Your Proof In My Pudding

“Pedophile” is an offensive term. The article has the correct terminology: “minor attracted” – not to be confused with “miner attracted” which is a term used for gay men attracted to straight blue collar type men.

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