P.F. Chang’s, South Korea (Accredited Times) — Who says the Winter Olympics aren’t special? So far retarded NBC commentators have wowed fans and non-fans alike with the sheer retardedness and inanity of their commentary.
First up: Katie Couric. According to Couric, the reason the Dutch have had success in Olympic speed-skating is because that’s just how Dutch people travel in Amsterdam. You know, kind of like how Alaskans travel by dogsled and Coney Islanders travel by roller-coaster.
“It is probably not a news flash to tell you the Dutch are really, really good at speedskating,” a pensive Couric noted during the opening ceremony last week. “All but five of the 110 medals they’ve won have been on the speedskating oval. Now, ‘Why are they so good?’ you may be asking yourselves. Because skating is an important mode of transportation in a city like Amsterdam which sits at sea level. As you all know, it has lots of canals that can freeze in the winters. So, for as long as those canals have existed, the Dutch have skated on them to get from place to place, to race each other, and also to have fun.”
Couric, a Boomer, has long served as an important source of information for the Boomer Generation, the smartest generation ever. Thankfully, NBC keeps trotting out this babalicious 61-year-old, even though she may be slightly past her expiration date. Boomers forever! Don’t let those young people ever have any jobs!
Next up: Joshua Cooper Ramo. Ramo, a Latino, has wowed audiences with his Latino background and Latinoness. He even majored in Latin American economics in college. Although Ramo does not actually have any sports background, the important point is that he is Latino and works for the Kissinger Associates as a Latino. He is also a Latino member of the Council of Foreign Relations. Unfortunately, Ramo, a Latino, inadvertently caused a major international incident by saying that Korea has modeled its policies after Japan. It turns out that Koreans actually hate Japan, so Koreans were kind of pissed. Oops!
“Now representing Japan, a country which occupied Korea from 1910 to 1945. But every Korean will tell you that Japan is a cultural and technological and economic example that has been so important to their own transformation,” Ramo noted.
Koreans reacted with rage toward Ramo’s “culturally insensitive” statement. “Your comments about Korea are absolutely lubbish! Lubbish! After decades of human lights violations, exploiting our lesources, and attempts to destloy our heritage, Japan is nowhere close to being thanked, but absolutely despised!” one commentator noted. Chill out, bro!
Sadly, Ramo was fired from NBC’s Olympic coverage early this week.
So far, NBC’s Olympic coverage has been Olympic in its Boomerness and sheer retardedness. Not to be outdone, ABC’s Chicago affiliate declared the Olympics to be based at “P.F. Chang’s” instead of “Pyeongchang.” P.F. Chang’s is a popular Chinese restaurant chain. I’ll take the Kung Pao Chicken please!
We at the Accredited Times firmly applaud NBC for its coverage. Boomers and disadvantaged minorities clearly make the best commentators. Boomers need to keep booming until they’re 90 — at least! Thank you, NBC, and please try to keep from drooling on yourself during the next P.F. Chang’s commercial. These Olympics truly are special.