Although womyn technically make up around 50% of our population, they are nonethless an oppressed minority. Since the dawn of time, the patriarchy has worked tirelessly to exclude womyn from positions of power and influence, depriving them of basic human rights. Until relatively recently, for example, womyn did not even have the right to vote. Progress in advancing womyns’ issues has been painfully slow, like the easing of a particularly gruelling onset of menstrual cramps. Not that men would ever understand.
The special status womyn now enjoy in society explains the existence of the International Womyns’ Day and other initiatives intended to reverse the damage caused by the patriarchy. Although the feminist movement has been incredibly successful in increasing womyns’ rights over such issues as workplace discrimination, ability to serve on juries in the military, getting an Ivy League education, criminalising marital rape, legalised abortion, access to oral contraception, the fact is that there is still so much to be done. The patriarchy remains strong and old fashioned views prevail widely:
In short, as can be witnessed by the Pussy Hat protesters and countless others in the sisterhood, womyn remain deeply unhappy. What then is it that womyn actually want so that we can give it to them:
- Reproductive rights. As a general rule, womyn hate sex except when they don’t. For any ‘complications’ arising from the sordid act, womyn demand the right to choose what to do with their bodies at all times. Whilst accredited philosophers have advanced arguments to justify post-birth abortion (no upper age limit cited), they are missing the point: womyn don’t have to answer to anyone concerning what they do with the life growing inside (or outside) them: they can terminate it with extreme prejudice at any time.
- An end to the ‘War on Womyn’. Here we remember the struggle of the courageous Sandra Fluke, who fought to force religious employers to provide contraception and abortifacients for free in employee benefit packages. The war on womyn must stop now.
- The right to wear next to nothing without attracting leering looks from lecherous men. Whilst some scientists argue that there are obvious primal, physiological and chemical reasons why men are unable to avert their gaze when a scantily-clad female passes, this spurious argument must fail. Appealing to the ‘animals-do X, Y & Z-action-in-nature-therefore-it’s-natural’ argument is totally misplaced; this reasoning is only ever permitted when justifying the naturalness of homosexual acts.
- As with 3. above, the right to drink paralysing volumes of alcohol in bars and lose all inhibitions, without attracting unwelcome attention from fellow male party goers. Although she may have encouraged and initiated such attention at the outset, she should have the right to be left alone retrospectively. Since she was utterly incapable of giving consent to sex, any sex that did take place was clearly rape.
- A recognition that all heterosexual sex is rape. Goes without saying really.
- A sandwich. The womyn in the featured image is gifted with a prodigious appetite and demands that you make her a sandwich NOW. A generous slice of chocolate cake would help soak up the fifteen vodka shots as well. You really wouldn’t want to argue with her.